It might be in cache/the topics include~

So I've been meaning to do this for a while.

I'm returning with a whimper rather than a bang- I don't have anything in particular to announce but a blog post from me has been way overdue for, well maybe let's not get into that.

The whimpering is totally appropriate anyway, given that I lost my voice for a while last week. Being ill sucks. Totally not sexy. Unless you're Det Dan Stark maybe. [Seriously are y'all watching The Good Guys? Cos you should be. It's fantasmic and fun, has Bradley Whitford and Colin Hanks in a weird Texan buddy cop sitch and there's classic cars. Come we all go to Dallas and live their lives out for real.]

I think I really do need to write to get my thoughts in some semblance of order. My brain rots when I don't siphon out some of its thoughts. (True story. I know all about medical research now so you have to believe me.) And I'm clearly one of those people who doesn't quite understand their thoughts until they're codified. Maybe confusion and ill-expressed ideas were acceptable a few weeks ago when there was all kinds of political turmoil, but we've got a firmly entrenched coalition government now, it's clearly time to re-learn how to express myself.

And obv a mission like that ought to involve some Dr Dre. We share a birthday y'know. Just saying: Express Yourself!

I guess what prompted this is that I've heard a lot of people defining themselves in terms of their actions, as in what they will and will not do. One night stands. Drugs. Take time off work. Accept help. Lie. Confess a crush. Watch football. Dance. Get married. Listen to hip hop. Take my advice. &c.

I don't feel that just looking at my behaviour would be a good way to get to know who I am- perhaps especially because inconsistency tends to be one of my more consistent characteristics. Seabass once described me in less than 10 words (all adjectives, natch) wonderfully. (I said he was ginger, Dutch and annoying. Yeah, I don't know why people put up with me either.) And I don't think I'm simply my preferences, beliefs and foibles- I'm more than a hatred of wet socks, a fervent conviction that technology really is out to get me and possession of a rude streak a mile wide- but I definitely think that those things tell you more about me than any arbitrary proclamations I might make about what I will and won't do. (Anything for love, but not that. Oh wow I totally just had this weird panic about Meat Loaf being dead. Apparently he isn't. So good.)

I don't think it's possible to live a life entirely without regrets. I've got this quote on my wall (along with quite a lot of other crap) which I love:

When you get older, you stop pretending to have things you haven't done, and start pretending not to have done things you have done.

Trying to find a middle group between not hurting other people and making sure to be selfish enough to not end up so filled to the tips with other people's secrets and drama that you have no space for your own can be damn hard work though.

You know what I need? Some distraction. Some adventure! I feel like I'm stagnating a bit. I'm too settled. Too content. And I know that that sounds like a dumb thing to complain about. But. It's a dangerous feeling. And I'm getting restless. I don't think that sojourns to Brighton, Manchester and Liverpool are really going to cut it. So I'm totally going to get on that.

It's not like there's not stuff going on. I've got my Naomi back. There's elephants and face painting and sometimes even sun!

But here's a list of 20 things I want to do in the next ~little while~ It won't be the end of the world if I don't, but it's good to have goals. If the World Cup teaches me nothing else at least it'll have taught me that. (And that I really don't like vuvuzelas.)

1. The Trans Siberian.

2. Visit NYC.

3. An American roadtrip.

4. Visit this lovely Shanny thing and my Tiptoe somewhere in Asia this summer.

5. Blog better. Or more at least.

6. Language lessons. My French ones are due to start on Bastille day. I'm not even lying.

7. Buy an SLR.

8. Edit my 2009 NaNo.

9. Go to a con. Let's get down with our bad geeky selves.

10. Write a script of some sort.

11. Have my own place again. And decorate it like a grown up.

12. Have a BBQ. As soon as the patio exists!

13. Play ratchet screwdriver in a park. (That way I'll know I've truly regressed.)

14. Eurotrip.

15. Bake.

16. Get a bike.

17. Live in another city.

18. Summer festivals.

19. Beng Mealea.

20. More South Africa.

(And, hey, here's an alternative 21: work out why I can't upload pics how I want. Should I be blaming Chrome or Blogger? Or Nick Clegg?)

I'm too old for this shi-

A lot of stuff has changed since I wrote that last entry. (It's dated August 29th, I guess cos that's when I first saved the draft, but was actually finished and posted months later. I don't mind particularly cos at least it makes it look like I update semi-regularly but I have a habit of writing a few lines at a time over long periods, so I think it's a bit of a weird that blogger publishes it with the date of when it was first saved.)

I've started a Graduate Traineeship in the library of a Medical Research Council as (potential) preparation for a Masters in Information Studies (or some such). I'm enjoying it so far and life always feel easier when you've got a tangible path to follow.

Said route doesn't provide a panacea- it hasn't magically alleviated all the Masters v work; working here v abroad; what work; what degree etc debates that were puzzling me before I left for Korea.

Maybe it should feel weird to be at those same crossroads, facing the same decisions as I was before I left, even if I've headed down one fork a little way.

But even before I found this job I wasn't feeling stressed or stagnant. In fact, if anything, I was uncharacteristically cheery. I don't think that the experience of travelling changed me massively or set me on a specific road. But I do think that it made me more quietly confident that life works out.

I think that that whole "stress is for other people" attitude might tie in rather nicely with Caro and I's resolution for 2010. We're giving ourselves until January 10th 2011 to complete a list of things we might be considered too old to do, inspired by the 'Murtaugh' episode of How I Met Your Mother in which Barney accepts a challenge to fulfill such a list after being kicked out of laser tag for being too rough with the kids by Bunny Colvin the manager.

We've lifted some of the obligations from the episode (and from other HIMYM eps), but have provided plenty of our own inspiration too!

1. Get a piercing.

2. Dye hair a non-natural colour.

3. Sleep on a futon/the floor.

4. Stay up all night.

5. Play laser tag.

6. Go to a squat party.

7. Drink shots with strangers.

8. Beer bong.

9. Hang a poster up without a frame.

10. Eat a whole pizza in one sitting.

11. Set up an annoying two person answerphone message.

12. Teepee something.

13. Help someone move out of a building (house/flat/office etc) in exchange for pizza and beer.

14. Travel by train across Europe.

15. Wear mesh or fishnet.

16. Have a Buffy and/or Supernatural marathon.

17. Watch Waking Life in a mentally altered state.

18. Live for an entire week on noodles, cheese on toast and tinned soup.

19. Drink cheap Russian beer.

20. Wear an animal print skirt out in public.

21. Urinate in public.

22. Jagerbombs.

23. Sing a cheesy 90s song at karaoke.

24. Eat at a cheap Chinese buffet.

25. Join a fan club.

26. Buy badges with stupid slogans on them and wear them.

27. Steal a street sign.

28. Tell the cow joke.

29. Do 100 shots of beer or cider in 100 minutes.

30. Eat a bowl of cereal with something other than milk.

31. Wear something from a skate/surf/ski store.

32. Shop at Miss Selfridge.

33. Buy a children's toy from a toy shop for self.

34. Watch cartoons all day.

35. Ride inside a shopping trolley.

36. Get a lollipop/sweet from a restaurant which gives them to kids.

37. Watch the whole Hollyoaks omnibus.

38. Forward a stupid chain email.

39. Eat a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting.

40. Drink alcopops all night.

41. Wear body glitter.

42. Send a serious email entirely in txt spk.

43. Do 5 shots in a row.

44. Party all night at a Walkabout.

45. Sing along to Can't Fight Fight This Feeling. In public.

46. Make out with someone at least five years younger than you.

47. Highfive.

48. Drink so much you throw up.

49. Leave an unnecessary voicemail that's longer than 5 minutes.

50. Go to a theme park.

51. Call someone in the middle of the night to randomly tell them you love them.

52. Dance on a table/pool table/bar/some other unsuitable surface.

53. Do a "have you met x" intro.

54. Make out with someone of the same gender (or opposite if that's not your usual taste).

55. Order a kids' meal.

56. Make a slap bet.

So if you want to play too copy and paste this into your own blog, cross them off as you go along and let's see how we do!

time keeps on slipping, into the future

I've started writing this entry a few times: when I got back from Asia finally; from Brighton; from Jo'burg; when I was briefly back from Liverpool before dashing off to Europe.

I always start by saying "So now I'm properly back in London. Except for...".

But this time there's no but (but for the three in this sentence anyway). Sure there's plenty of ever present possibilities: Brighton tempts easily, as do Manchester, Liverpool, Bristol, Edinburgh, Passau, Prague, Athens, Nairobi, Singapore...

I think that I should take the opportunity though, while I don't have concrete plans to distract me, to re-settle. And to make some decisions. Although I've been back in London since the beginning of August it doesn't really feel like it, because I keep wandering off.

I do love London. I love quirky Southbank events and (sometimes free!) Bookslams and random weekend festivals and Soho and great gigs and hanging out in wicked pubs and free baklava in shisha cafes and being silly on the tube and reasonably priced theatre and wandering around Covent Garden and peaceful walks in the 'burbs and Notting Hill and cute cafes and free comedy events and stalking Russell Howard and Camden and house parties and the sofas in the foyer of the Royal Opera House and Brick Lane and the Taste of London card and amazing pizza and Orange Wednesdays and awesome pop punk nights and bowling and activism and and and.

The best thing, of course, has been getting to see and catch up with people. Spending time with family and friends wherever and however.

On the other hand, it rains a lot here. And it's cold in winter. And then I get ill. Which is actually the cycle of annoyance that led to me wanting to leave in the first place. Funny how I forgot that until I started needing to remember my umbrella again.

And I'm not sure that I have enough of a reason to stay in London. Sure, I enjoy myself here. But I enjoyed, and could imagine living in, Seoul, Tokyo, Yunnan, Phnom Penh, Shanghai, Hong Kong, Singapore, Johannesburg, Brighton, Prague, Paris...

I also think that the experience of upping sticks and moving to Seoul, and the fact that it wasn't ever too difficult, makes the idea of moving again seem pretty accessible. And travelling around Asia doing really stupid things like driving motorbikes into fences and so forth, might even put the trials and tribulations of visa applications into perspective. Or at least I can distract myself from wanting to stab bureaucrats by looking at my scars.

I'm certainly not set on vamoosing. I've applied for the Civil Service Fast Stream (though not with the best application ever I'll admit: I didn't really realise just how much maths-ing was required) and am in the midst of applying for a parliamentary internship, which is frankly mildly terrifying. Overall, asides from the stark realisation that maybe I shoulda studied politics instead of this anthropology tomfoolery, I'm just not prepared to put up with the downsides of London (crappy weather; long commutes; high cost; stressiness) for something I don't care about. If I'm invested and passionate all those seemingly solid problems just...melt into air.

My aim for 2010-2011 is to do a Masters, which sounds wonderful and definitive...except that I've in no way narrowed down what exactly I want to do. I'm kind of torn between the academic and practical routes.

I really enjoy anthropology. Unlike some of the friends I made on the course, anthropology was my first choice for my degree. I like the way that studying anthropology has shaped my viewpoints, even if it does sometimes frustrate me, and I think I enjoy academics for the sake of academics. Writing essays is actually pretty fun. (Although not as fun as exams, natch.) So I'm certainly tempted by that option. I think if I was going to pursue anthropology in the UK I'd want to be at SOAS (the Anthropology of Media course appeals particularly), and like pretty much every SOAS student ever I've got a bit of a love-hate relationship with the place, which makes me balk a bit at the idea. Another key problem is that Lola Martinez doesn't seem to be teaching any courses I haven't already taken, not that the SOAS site is necessarily the best source of anything other than a guide in how not to design a website. UCL does also have some interesting looking ones, although I'm a little bit perturbed by these three letters: MSc. Better stick to the Visual Culture shiz. I can certainly apply for anthropology MAs (or even, shudder, MScs) outside of this country too. (Just as soon as I decipher the Stanford website's babbling.)

I was also considering the Creative Writing and Authorship MA at Sussex. I love writing (though you might not guess so from the staccato sentences/run on rambling and general nonsense I'm producing right now), and whenever I start to feel jealous of people who have a singular passion and a clear path I guess I fall back on the knowledge that at least writing is a "thing". (See? I'm hella articulate. Stuff and things; things and stuff, yo.) But if I do want to study writing it doesn't need to be in a degree course, there's plenty of other options. The thing that really appealed to me about the course, and what shout have been the tip-off, was the 'Authorship' component. I clearly just want to write about authorship and fanfiction from an anthropological viewpoint, and there's probably no point dragging a Creative Writing Masters into the mix.

I don't necessarily have to follow the ivory tower route though. In terms of the practical side I'm definitely considering Librarianship- I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women I enjoy books, people being quiet and me being in charge of organising libraries. I'd have to do a Masters in Library/Information studies somewhere, and for that you need a year's experience in a library. It's quite a commitment for something I'm not 100% sure about, but definitely worth looking into as it would eventually yield a career and not just lots of essays about the meaning of shrimp.

I was also considering the GDL and LPC route; my somewhat dormant interest in law has been piqued again in recent months. And who likes arguing more than moi, goshdarnit? Most people I've spoken to about it seem to think it's Not A Very Good Plan however, which makes me feel a bit reticent about it. At least it's practical though!

I was thinking about doing a TEFL in the next few months perhaps. I definitely have an interest in English teaching, both for its own sake and for the opportunities to travel and experience different things that it can afford. Seems way farking harder than it needs to be though. Sigh.

Right now I'm itching to do something practical; something real. And not just playing with the binding and franking machines (much as I love them). I spent today dressing dolls, which is a pretty good job as far as things go. I've taken over the role of painter and oddjobwoman at mine- I can't see the point of my parents paying someone to do something I'd happily do. Paint is fun! I love screwdrivers! In lieu of having guns I can clean, it'll have to do. For now.

Makes no difference what group I'm in, I am everyday people

After perusing my entries I started to feel a bit bad for my Seoulites, most of them only get the lamest of pseudo-Zudonyms. I've decided to rename them all zanily. Since I'm doing so I thought that I might as well rehash who they all are so that you can attempt to keep up, and if I'm doing that I figured that I might as well provide a handy, helpful guide to some of the important people in my life (not just in Seoul). So:

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

MISS ANNE: Our Heroine Anti-Hero Protagonist Unreliable Narrator

PART ONE: WHEN I WAS A CHILD I SPOKE LIKE A CHILD...

FAMILIA

MUMBLE the creators PAPA

MUMBLE'S Siblings: sister THE LIBRARIAN who begot NANEL and SPAM

brother THE LAWYER who begot TISH, KITKAT and LULU and

brother THE FILMMAKER who begot TABLET

Their Mother: KILOGRAMMY

one of MUMBLE's cousin also produced the irreplaceable BOBBY BROWN

PAPA's Cousin: JOY who begot WOMBLE and SAXOPHONY

MISS ANNE placed an order for a blue-eyed sister, her wish was granted and at the tender age of 3 1/4 she received: SIB

FRIENDS FROM THE LAND BEFORE TIME

literally from birth: LONG-DISTANCE CLARA

from creche and The Road: TIPTOE and her brother (obviously SIB's intended) AVIT

from nursery school: LARISSA

from primary school: TWEEDLEDUM (but not really her twin TWEEDLEDEE)

PART TWO: HIGH (SCHOOL) TIMES

MISS ANNE, upon initiation into the strange world of secondary school, quickly become friends with:

THE AFKAM
HEAVY and, through her, her twin GREENBELT
PIMPETTE
PEANUT
and
DONNA

One day, at the age of fifteen or so, she came home and found LANKY, a family friend (and cousin of LONG DISTANCE CLARA) who she'd known forever but didn't actually know very well, sprawled in her living room. He, and his belongings, seem to have rarely left her house since.

Through school she later became friends with:

CHEROO
TITANIA
NIKNAK
and
BAT

She and TIPTOE (both model students and clearly paragons of virtue) became firm friends with OEDEPA, who was supposed to be the naughty one, by leading her astray into the world of teenage clubbing at the age of 16.

Her post-GCSE summer as a care- and exam-free sixteen year old was made memorable by her meeting of: PJ (AKA THE BOYFRIEND)

In sixth form she also became very close to:

CARNIE
and
RUFIO

At the end of sixth form (after falling into brambles) she 'met' RINGO who was impersonating his brother LANKY for reasons best known to himself. Ever since then they've spent far too much time talking nonsense at each other.

PJ and CARNIE's friend (and brother of PIMPETTE's then boyfriend) GATES also began his stint as a near-permanent fixture around then.

PART THREE: UNIVERSITY

At SOAS she first became friends with:

fellow anthropologists HIPPY and HONEY, fake-anthropologist CEE, CARO (through ZIM), PYRATE, SQUIRREL and MO.

She and JUNO certainly met in the first year (and their friendship was cemented by THORPE, who neither of them really speaks to anymore funnily enough) but they both can't remember exactly when they became very close. It was definitely before the summer when they were exchanging important emails about their adventures.

In the second year she became friends with NANZO and PYGYMY (since she couldn't escape them!) and started getting closer to LYCA. She also got used to the constant presence of PJ's friend JIMMY in addition to the already adored ZAZEN.

In the third year her and NAOMI became close, and she also became much closer to HIPPY's (best?) friend BETTY.

She also has a tendency to filch other people's friends: such as TIPTOE's gay BFF TIGER, TIPTOE's wonderful friend DJINN, GREENBELT's gay BFF RIZLA, MILLIAN who ought to be NAOMI's gay BFF, NANZO's friend WONDERLANDY and yummy mummy SONMI.

Since she spends far too much time with LANKY and RINGO she seems to have absorbed POKEMON, DYNAMO and HAMMER as well by some kind of osmosis.

SIB's girlfriend BENNY and some of the Brighton crew such as WATSON, VILLE and COAL also provided untold amusement in the months prior to emigrating.

PART FOUR: SEOUL

From her stint working at Yeouido she quickly become friends with fellow female native English speaker AMI (formerly J), fellow grumpy Brit ARYAN (formerly R), BAKER (formerly C) the object of both her and AMI's friendcrushes, her hilarious partner OCHRE (formerly A) and the incorrigible YO.

Some of the other teachers there included PATAGONIA, JIMJAM (who was going out with one of the Korean teachers, STARRY), the seemingly sweet but actually somewhat sinister CREAMCHEESE (formerly S), sort-of fellow Brit BANKS (formerly I) and the entirely rubbish REPLACEMENT-C.

She also rekindled a friendship with JUNO's ex-boyfriend JH who handily lives in Seoul.

Working at Jongno she got on well with BELJOXA (formerly CROSSEYES) who is currently substituting at Sinchon in the evenings.


SINCHON STAFF

The Overlord: HANS

The Manager: DYLAN (formerly D)

The Teachers:

She replaced LAW.

MINIEVIL (formerly JES) has now left both the Sinchon branch and the country but he should be returning to Seoul soon where he will continue to know everyone but never know where he is.

2.0 (Brit boy) has also now left, but he's unlikely to escape our clutches since he lives with his wifey DYLAN.

DICK has also left. No-one is upset by this.

MACK (formerly DAR) and SCOTLAND (formerly S) have remained, and been joined by the resident Kiwi FREEMASON. They will soon also be joined by the suspiciously old and over-educated COLT, as well as TANKY.

The Korean teachers are all girls: drinking buddy ELICA (formerly K), dancing buddy RUBY (formerly Y), sweet but worryingly dopey CLAIREBEAR, motherly BELLE (formerly IS), and canny GAMBLE (formerly SER).

There's also the mythical GENIE who everyone swears works mornings. MISS ANNE is still doubting the validity of these claims.

Other Staff:

SMARTIE (formerly RAF) is disturbingly intelligent. BALLEY (formerly V) is the most fun ever and WENDY (formerly LIN) worries far too much!

COMPUTER GUY has never been observed doing work, he very occasionally turns up and tries to steal a bed.

Whilst not technically a member of staff, BENDY the proprietor of the local bar Bumpin' looks after the alcoholic needs of the Sinchon employees very well.

MINIEVIL's friends SCOTTY and JOJO pop up a fair bit bringing amusement, idiocy and disturbingly youthful females. MIKEY, fellow Jewtrordinaire, sold her his phone for absolutely nothing and amused her greatly before he had to head to DC. Another of MINIEVIL friends, DUNKIN' (a former sniper), was also staying in Korea for a while, and developed a hilarious crush on CLAIREBEAR. MINIEVIL also introduced MISS ANNE to the fabulous ELSIE, who (in a strange twist of fate) has now buggered of to London.

RUBY has appalling taste in men, and has appropriated a rubbish American boyfriend from somewhere- BO. Thankfully she has somewhat better taste in friends, even if FREEBIRD is currently being irritating he is cool, as is his BFF ROO who comes complete with "not girlfriend" GINGER. Their friends OFFIE and EMMY are also awesome.

DRAMATIS ELECTRONICAE

MISS ANNE hasn't owned all that many amazing electronics- there's been a string of fairly mediocre computers and mobile phones. However in her first year of university she treated herself to MINI-EMPY, the 20GB iRiver H120. It was her pride and joy, and although many people are disparaging about these (relatively old now) mp3 players they really are brilliant and perfect for her: there's no iTunes-like software so she can just drag and drop things, it's possibly the most user-friendly device ever created, it's resilient, it plays just about every file format and works fine as an external hard drive (storing anything), records sound and plays the radio. She also thinks they're hella pretty. At least the good people of misticriver share her views.

She can acknowledge it's faults: it is somewhat bulky, although she doesn't think prohibitively so. It also comes with a handy remote, which means that the actual player can be secreted in a bag perhaps, and the remote left available to be fiddled with- which perhaps compensates somewhat. It also has a fairly slow start-up time, but mostly this is her own fault since she is ornery and dumps everything in the ROOT directory instead of using the standard folder system. The earphones that come with this model aren't stupendous either, but she doesn't expect freebie-earphones to necessarily be so. She prefers her awesome huge Sony ones anyway.

Sadly MINI-EMPY met a terrible fate. In the summer after her second year she was celebrating (in wonderful tutu fashion) the joint twentieth birthdays of CARNIE and LONG DISTANCE CLARA's gay BFF GREENY when MINI-EMPY, along with OEDEPA's mp3 player got soaked in cider in circumstances which may or may not have been her own fault. She left them to dry, and they were stolen out of her bag.

Perhaps this tragedy was in fact a blessing in disguise because it caused her to buy EMPY, the grown up 40GB version of her original toy. Since she now has over 40GB of music she probably needed it.

Just before leaving London she purchased LAPPY, her incredibly inventively named laptop. It is mostly composed of sugar and spice and all things nice, but not bluetooth. It also seems a little reproachful of her abuse of the hard drive but will learn to cope. Yes it will.

MISS ANNE is loath to replace EMPY because she loves it so, however she wants to be able to fit all her music in one portable device (that's significantly smaller than LAPPY) and really can't be expected to keep her music collection under 40GB. There doesn't seem to be a good alternative though since iPods, Zunes and suchlike don't meet her requirements (this truly isn't just a display of brand loyalty, although she thinks that she may have caught a whiff of that disease too). Sadly iRiver doesn't seem interested in making large mp3 players, most of their recent ones have been around the 4-8GB mark, and their largest current one is a mere 33GB. MISS ANNE was feeling desolate.

However, after some hardcore googling she discovered an amazing thing: you can totally open up the iRiver, replace the hard drive with a 60GB one and, voila, create an iRiver H160! However the general consensus of the world and a latent sense of self-preservation suggest that she shouldn't be allowed to play with screwdrivers and such like. Ever. So she's buying the parts off of eBay, having them sent to PJ and bullying him into attempting this for her. Everyone better keep their fingers crossed for EMPYROR!

Alright, I am done talking about myself in the third person like a crazy person!

A year is just a drop in time (it cannot touch the female form in my bed)

I haven't touched this blog for almost a year. That's pretty pathetic. Then again, there are plenty of things that I'd rather complain about than myself.

In the last 10 months or so I've had a few jobs (most of them without reasonable titles), I've had a few holidays and more than a few drunken adventures. I've also just about formulated A Plan. Mostly this plan involves me tomorrow (armed with a laptop, an overly stuffed suitcase, a plane ticket that I really need to remember to print out, every precious failure and amateur cartography) heading to Seoul to teach English for a year. I don't really know what I'm doing, and then only things I know how to say in Korean are "hello" and "how much?", the latter of which won't be very helpful since I won't understand the answer. Oh, and I'm capable of ordering a few dishes- my gastrobating skills won't desert me in my time of need (and neither will my ability to make bad puns apparently).

So I guess this 'plan' could just be chalked up to being a random whim. I like warm weather, Korean food and places that aren't here so I'm sure it'll all work out fine. Should it not at least I'll have something new to whinge about, which really makes me warm inside anyway. I don't think of myself as an incredibly impetuous person, except I do have instances when I'll just suddenly and randomly do something uncharacteristic and probably unadvisable. But then again I find these words fairly appropriate,

"This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath" (Regina Spektor - On The Radio)

I guess I just mean that you've never tried that experience/substance/lifestyle/hamster until suddenly you have, and with a little luck doing so doesn't exactly trigger the apocalypse.

What might in fact cause the end of the world is my attempt to pack a life (plus irritating things like plug adaptors and sheets which totally don't count) into a suitcase that isn't supposed to weigh more than 20kg. I'm going to miss my books and videos and posters a silly amount. I really feel like there should be some kind of get out clause if you can prove that you're going away rather than holidaying, I'm not suggesting that I should be allowed to overload the plane and send everyone to a firey death (although if that's an 'everyone' that doesn't include me, the pilot and whoever is in charge of handing out the coffee then it might not be an awful plan) but come on I so need an allowance of more than 20kg of stuff. I might just pack up several care packages of clothes and other important things (pasta? haribo? underwear?) to be sent on.

Anyway, I solemnly swear I'm up to no good to attempt to update more than a couple of times a year. Probably throwing myself into a foreign country where I know neither the language nor what in hell's name I'm doing should give me a fair bit to write about!

scouting for gold

Well how's that (not out) for ridiculously in character?

Not only can I hardly be bothered to 'weblog' (blog is far too ugly a word to actually use), I seem to have somehow managed to infect the world of blogspot too. I set up this account then left it to simmer for a while, then when I finally worked up the energy to write something it refused to comply. Bastard.

As if I was in need of things to send me straight back to sleep... (Perhaps I should consider changing my 'zudonym' to Lazy Bones. I could be related to Susan. Rimshot, please).

Eventually (obviously) I triumphed against the evils of the internet. Well, I always do. Once upon a time I set up port forwarding you know, and worked out my router's password. I'm clearly a technological mastermind. (Please ignore for a moment the fact that I can barely turn a computer on.)

So. Where to go with this other than complaining about the services I'm using? Oh. What am I up to?

Well the honest answer is not a lot. I just got back to London to be confronted with the ugly truth that I have neither job nor money. Since I've just moved back in with the parental units I suppose I don't technically need either- unless I ever want to leave the house.

Personally I think everyone should just come to me. It's how it used to work in the good old days! Getting drunk and stoned and playing lots of blackjack. Although that tended to work a lot better when my parents were out, preferably of the country.

See they have jobs and working ears and normal sleeping patterns (none of which I possess) so I can't really rally the troops. Besides some of the troops have managed to go out and get themselves gainfully employed.

It's not that I'm against working per se. I suppose if I examine the issue I probably actually am- but not to the extent that I'd let it get in the way if someone wanted to hire me. I just feel that I've never had any years off in my scholarly career, and since I only have very vague plans for the future (an MA; going to Paris; a hobo's life for me) that I'm entitled to a (few) year(s) off. I don't have 'real' debts like credit cards, just the student loan- which has to wait until I get a proper job. Right now I'd preferred something chilled (possibly some wine).

I don't want too many hours of work a week. I want something vaguely fun! I want afternoons and evenings, not early mornings- and this time it's not so much about the laziness. I have pretty awful sleeping patterns, and I simply can't force myself into good ones for long periods of time.

I'd also quite like to take my time and not just grab the first job that comes along, as I've learnt from experience that that just goes badly.

The problem is that not only am I making demands of my hypothetical job, I'm also not at all actively searching for anything matching my mildly ridiculous criteria. Or even calling temp agencies. Although I will. Eventually. Probably...

Right now I'm just feeling far too lethargic to do any of the things I'm supposed to be doing. So instead I'm working through my backlog of music on my computer, and trying to force some space onto my mp3 player for it all. I'm playing a lot of online scrabble. I've just begun reading Sophie's Choice and have a big shelf full of books to read. I figure I could actually enjoy getting to indulge my hermit side. However, I've got the feeling that would only seem fun for about a week. So after that you're pretty much going to have to offer me a job, or I might turn up outside your window and throw trivia at you until you break down weeping. Scout's honour.

"You were a boy Scout?" - Spike
"Parts of me." - Adam