mumbling and grumbling

I have some gripes. They're not particularly serious, but I'm feeling mildly frustrated. I'm going to blame the fact that it's October, and I'm away from home and, well, everyone goes home in October. And, you know, argh. Plus I think this might actually have been the first time I've missed Tiptoe's birthday? I'm not sure, and it's certainly not a big deal especially when you factor in that she's missed mine several times because mine was always in half term. I think it's just that the reality of the fact that I'm away has finally pervaded my fogged up brain. I'm still not homesick, but I'm perhaps a little disoriented? It's late October in the northern hemisphere, but it's still warm and the leaves are still green; and now I understand why Giles was complaining about the relentless sameness of Sunnydale weather. I never thought I'd miss British weather. You can take the girl out of London, right?

Ok, so. First off, Ruby left. That wasn't a surprise, since she'd been planning it for a while. She's gone to be with Bo (boyfriend of excessive lameness), and is probably heading back to Canadia soon to study. It just sucks that she left with more of a whimper than a bang, because she had a load of dental surgery just before leaving. It would have been nice to get to say goodbye properly, rather than wince at her attempts to talk through the pain. The thing is that while she's a really nice person who I got on with very well, and had a lot of fun with, I don't think that she would have ever become one of my very close friends. She wasn't a soulmate/non-person/race that knows Joseph kinda gal. And that's not meant to sound judge-y. Some people in your life are people who you just enjoy having fun with, and they're not supposed to be anything more. And yet it still sucks a little that she's gone. Ami has this theory that in a situation like ours all your friends become imbued with more importance than you might afford to them 'back home' because you're likely to feel more attached to them. There's something to that, without roots and without the language of your host country it makes sense- plus people are always coming and going so while they're here you just want to enjoy them.

I am really sad that Aryan's left though, and so's Ami. He wasn't supposed to go, his contract's not up and he stoically refused to explain what 'family emergency' dragged him back to the UK. He's seriously one of the most awesome people I've met, and I'm going to feel the lack of my necessary quotient of British bantering sorely. The fact that people can slip in and out of your life in a job/situation like this is both good and bad. It's nice to constantly be meeting new people, and there's generally a real sense of camaraderie- people are very friendly and helpful. If I ever want to go to the States, Canadia, Aus or Kiwi-land I've got a wealth of people I could hit up for a place to stay too. I've just never really adjusted to my favourite toys being snatched away, is all. Scotty's fucked off back to Chonto too now, it;s like other people read Keourac or something. Jeez.

And the worst of it? Elica got her stupid arse fired. We may have had a somewhat debauched night a couple of weeks ago, and she didn't turn up for work the next day. She didn't even call in. She texted me and told me to tell Daryl that she was ill, which isn't in line with company protocol or any version of common sense- especially since she knows that Daryl doesn't come in until later than her own start time. Head office apparently got mad and headed straight into action (although there's a slight possibility that Smartie may have been complicit in fucking her over, but I don't really believe it). It's maddening, because she could have prevented it. It's also stupid because she's probably the most popular Korean teacher, and things are slow enough at our branch. This also happened at Yeouido, Yo got fired because they wanted to get rid of one Korean teacher apparently- yet again she was the popular one. It's possible that it was because her secret relationship with Patagonia came out, just as he was leaving. Work just doesn't feel the same without Elica shrieking, and with Ruby gone. Ruby's been replaced by Newbie, who's nice enough but very staid and proper. Freemason doesn't even have a partner, and just knocks about doing nothing. And it means that Newbie and I are picking up the slack a little, instead of having two lessons I have around six- which isn't very much but I could be enjoying doing even less. This company is completely idiotic, I'm actually a little worried that they're going to go out of business.

Also, I have to move apartments again. It's kind of ridiculous. Basically the landlord doesn't want to re-sign the contract for my flat or Tanky's. I think it's a mix of his hatred for idiotic foreigners and his hatred for idiotic companies. Everyone at HQ who was capable of independent thought has now quit because they weren't getting paid, so the entirely unintelligent M is in charge of finding me a new place to live. Not only is he dimwitted in the extreme he's also incredibly untrustworthy. He's come up with this plan to oust Tanky from the organisation, which I broadly support because I can't stand him- but his method of doing it isn't exactly laudable. He's ordered Daryl to inform Tanky that a new apartment cannot be found for him or me, which seems premature and suspicious even if you ignore the fact that Daryl's privately assured me that I will be given an apartment but that I have to act like I won't so that Tanky doesn't cotton on. In part I think that M was doing this in a bid to get Tanky to move to a different branch, but I have it on good authority that a large part of it was because everyone hates Tanky. I did feel a little bad though, because Tanky's actually put some effort into trying to sort me out with alternative housing. Apparently L (awesome Scottish dude from HQ who "trained" me) would try to sort me out with a job at his new company too, which is pretty nice. I might need it, because not only do I suspect the company of floundering (especially now that they've fucked themselves up with immigration and have won a temporary ban on new foreign teachers), I really don't trust that they (or rather, M) will find me a new apartment as promised.

God, I really don't want to pack everything up again. On the other hand moving to a building which doesn't house Tanky and his wifey would be excellente. I don't really like living on the ground floor either, and it would be nice to have an apartment with decent air con, a large window, no dog hair, a bathroom light that doesn't short out every few weeks... etc. And it will still be in Hongdae, so it shouldn't be too much hassle. I just hope that it does all work out fine. Please.

This is what I get for feeling so deeply at one with the universe. It was so comical though. I complained about being cold and not having a book to read for all of about three seconds, and suddenly post arrived- containing jumpers and books. My karma was kicking, so of course everything did have to come crashing down. Bah.

Asides from that the main thing that I have to complain about is: me. I need to stop being an idiot. I know that I state this with worrying regularity, but really it's a serious concern. I need to stop running outside to throw out the trash half-naked for one, but I think my main problem is that I do stupid things when drunk. So from now on no drunken motorcycle shenanigans or money wasting poker. (Unless it's five card stud, because come on). I also really need to switch my brain off, or learn to be a bit more productive. I keep having all these brilliant ideas for things that I want to write, and my mind darts off down random paths like a hyperactive child, but I'm not actually putting pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard as the case may be). I most definitely do not have time to keep up with my ambitious plan of writing up what I think of each new episode of all the shows I'm watching. Was I smoking crack when I came up with that plan? Even just doing it for one show (Supernatural) is proving to be a challenge, hell even watching everything I want to watch is complicated enough. I'm not feeling motivated to do it either, especially since the last Supernatural episode, Monster Movie, was incredibly awesome but was aired out of sequence so I can't exactly say anything meaningful about the brothers' interaction. Bah. Probably I need to read less fic too. Dammit, the J2 love has been strong lately though- especially after interviews like this. The thing is that fandom and the internet actually hold seriously important places in my heart- I love the celebrating of freedom of... something along the expression/stealing/porn nexus, but it's more than that. I'm deeply impressed by the intelligence and creativity in fandom in general, and specifically in the ones that I hold most dear (Buffy, Harry Potter, Supernatural, West Wing, Firefly...). Obviously there are mind numbing fourteen year old fangirls too, but the intelligent fanfiction and commentary that exists is actually breathtaking. That's why I get pissed off when I'm unwittingly exposed to something less than wonderful. I know that it's hypocritical because of course mistakes sneak into what I'm writing all the time and so I really ought to be more forgiving, but I just read something about a 'minuet of tension' and wanted to throw things. A lot.

Anyway, I'm getting love from every bloody angle right at this moment, which I suppose is the multiverse's way of telling me to shut the fuck up with my whinging. I'm going to read some almost-definitely-guaranteed-to-be-buff fic. Stupid world showering me with nice things and making me grin. Bah.

Makes no difference what group I'm in, I am everyday people

After perusing my entries I started to feel a bit bad for my Seoulites, most of them only get the lamest of pseudo-Zudonyms. I've decided to rename them all zanily. Since I'm doing so I thought that I might as well rehash who they all are so that you can attempt to keep up, and if I'm doing that I figured that I might as well provide a handy, helpful guide to some of the important people in my life (not just in Seoul). So:

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

MISS ANNE: Our Heroine Anti-Hero Protagonist Unreliable Narrator

PART ONE: WHEN I WAS A CHILD I SPOKE LIKE A CHILD...

FAMILIA

MUMBLE the creators PAPA

MUMBLE'S Siblings: sister THE LIBRARIAN who begot NANEL and SPAM

brother THE LAWYER who begot TISH, KITKAT and LULU and

brother THE FILMMAKER who begot TABLET

Their Mother: KILOGRAMMY

one of MUMBLE's cousin also produced the irreplaceable BOBBY BROWN

PAPA's Cousin: JOY who begot WOMBLE and SAXOPHONY

MISS ANNE placed an order for a blue-eyed sister, her wish was granted and at the tender age of 3 1/4 she received: SIB

FRIENDS FROM THE LAND BEFORE TIME

literally from birth: LONG-DISTANCE CLARA

from creche and The Road: TIPTOE and her brother (obviously SIB's intended) AVIT

from nursery school: LARISSA

from primary school: TWEEDLEDUM (but not really her twin TWEEDLEDEE)

PART TWO: HIGH (SCHOOL) TIMES

MISS ANNE, upon initiation into the strange world of secondary school, quickly become friends with:

THE AFKAM
HEAVY and, through her, her twin GREENBELT
PIMPETTE
PEANUT
and
DONNA

One day, at the age of fifteen or so, she came home and found LANKY, a family friend (and cousin of LONG DISTANCE CLARA) who she'd known forever but didn't actually know very well, sprawled in her living room. He, and his belongings, seem to have rarely left her house since.

Through school she later became friends with:

CHEROO
TITANIA
NIKNAK
and
BAT

She and TIPTOE (both model students and clearly paragons of virtue) became firm friends with OEDEPA, who was supposed to be the naughty one, by leading her astray into the world of teenage clubbing at the age of 16.

Her post-GCSE summer as a care- and exam-free sixteen year old was made memorable by her meeting of: PJ (AKA THE BOYFRIEND)

In sixth form she also became very close to:

CARNIE
and
RUFIO

At the end of sixth form (after falling into brambles) she 'met' RINGO who was impersonating his brother LANKY for reasons best known to himself. Ever since then they've spent far too much time talking nonsense at each other.

PJ and CARNIE's friend (and brother of PIMPETTE's then boyfriend) GATES also began his stint as a near-permanent fixture around then.

PART THREE: UNIVERSITY

At SOAS she first became friends with:

fellow anthropologists HIPPY and HONEY, fake-anthropologist CEE, CARO (through ZIM), PYRATE, SQUIRREL and MO.

She and JUNO certainly met in the first year (and their friendship was cemented by THORPE, who neither of them really speaks to anymore funnily enough) but they both can't remember exactly when they became very close. It was definitely before the summer when they were exchanging important emails about their adventures.

In the second year she became friends with NANZO and PYGYMY (since she couldn't escape them!) and started getting closer to LYCA. She also got used to the constant presence of PJ's friend JIMMY in addition to the already adored ZAZEN.

In the third year her and NAOMI became close, and she also became much closer to HIPPY's (best?) friend BETTY.

She also has a tendency to filch other people's friends: such as TIPTOE's gay BFF TIGER, TIPTOE's wonderful friend DJINN, GREENBELT's gay BFF RIZLA, MILLIAN who ought to be NAOMI's gay BFF, NANZO's friend WONDERLANDY and yummy mummy SONMI.

Since she spends far too much time with LANKY and RINGO she seems to have absorbed POKEMON, DYNAMO and HAMMER as well by some kind of osmosis.

SIB's girlfriend BENNY and some of the Brighton crew such as WATSON, VILLE and COAL also provided untold amusement in the months prior to emigrating.

PART FOUR: SEOUL

From her stint working at Yeouido she quickly become friends with fellow female native English speaker AMI (formerly J), fellow grumpy Brit ARYAN (formerly R), BAKER (formerly C) the object of both her and AMI's friendcrushes, her hilarious partner OCHRE (formerly A) and the incorrigible YO.

Some of the other teachers there included PATAGONIA, JIMJAM (who was going out with one of the Korean teachers, STARRY), the seemingly sweet but actually somewhat sinister CREAMCHEESE (formerly S), sort-of fellow Brit BANKS (formerly I) and the entirely rubbish REPLACEMENT-C.

She also rekindled a friendship with JUNO's ex-boyfriend JH who handily lives in Seoul.

Working at Jongno she got on well with BELJOXA (formerly CROSSEYES) who is currently substituting at Sinchon in the evenings.


SINCHON STAFF

The Overlord: HANS

The Manager: DYLAN (formerly D)

The Teachers:

She replaced LAW.

MINIEVIL (formerly JES) has now left both the Sinchon branch and the country but he should be returning to Seoul soon where he will continue to know everyone but never know where he is.

2.0 (Brit boy) has also now left, but he's unlikely to escape our clutches since he lives with his wifey DYLAN.

DICK has also left. No-one is upset by this.

MACK (formerly DAR) and SCOTLAND (formerly S) have remained, and been joined by the resident Kiwi FREEMASON. They will soon also be joined by the suspiciously old and over-educated COLT, as well as TANKY.

The Korean teachers are all girls: drinking buddy ELICA (formerly K), dancing buddy RUBY (formerly Y), sweet but worryingly dopey CLAIREBEAR, motherly BELLE (formerly IS), and canny GAMBLE (formerly SER).

There's also the mythical GENIE who everyone swears works mornings. MISS ANNE is still doubting the validity of these claims.

Other Staff:

SMARTIE (formerly RAF) is disturbingly intelligent. BALLEY (formerly V) is the most fun ever and WENDY (formerly LIN) worries far too much!

COMPUTER GUY has never been observed doing work, he very occasionally turns up and tries to steal a bed.

Whilst not technically a member of staff, BENDY the proprietor of the local bar Bumpin' looks after the alcoholic needs of the Sinchon employees very well.

MINIEVIL's friends SCOTTY and JOJO pop up a fair bit bringing amusement, idiocy and disturbingly youthful females. MIKEY, fellow Jewtrordinaire, sold her his phone for absolutely nothing and amused her greatly before he had to head to DC. Another of MINIEVIL friends, DUNKIN' (a former sniper), was also staying in Korea for a while, and developed a hilarious crush on CLAIREBEAR. MINIEVIL also introduced MISS ANNE to the fabulous ELSIE, who (in a strange twist of fate) has now buggered of to London.

RUBY has appalling taste in men, and has appropriated a rubbish American boyfriend from somewhere- BO. Thankfully she has somewhat better taste in friends, even if FREEBIRD is currently being irritating he is cool, as is his BFF ROO who comes complete with "not girlfriend" GINGER. Their friends OFFIE and EMMY are also awesome.

DRAMATIS ELECTRONICAE

MISS ANNE hasn't owned all that many amazing electronics- there's been a string of fairly mediocre computers and mobile phones. However in her first year of university she treated herself to MINI-EMPY, the 20GB iRiver H120. It was her pride and joy, and although many people are disparaging about these (relatively old now) mp3 players they really are brilliant and perfect for her: there's no iTunes-like software so she can just drag and drop things, it's possibly the most user-friendly device ever created, it's resilient, it plays just about every file format and works fine as an external hard drive (storing anything), records sound and plays the radio. She also thinks they're hella pretty. At least the good people of misticriver share her views.

She can acknowledge it's faults: it is somewhat bulky, although she doesn't think prohibitively so. It also comes with a handy remote, which means that the actual player can be secreted in a bag perhaps, and the remote left available to be fiddled with- which perhaps compensates somewhat. It also has a fairly slow start-up time, but mostly this is her own fault since she is ornery and dumps everything in the ROOT directory instead of using the standard folder system. The earphones that come with this model aren't stupendous either, but she doesn't expect freebie-earphones to necessarily be so. She prefers her awesome huge Sony ones anyway.

Sadly MINI-EMPY met a terrible fate. In the summer after her second year she was celebrating (in wonderful tutu fashion) the joint twentieth birthdays of CARNIE and LONG DISTANCE CLARA's gay BFF GREENY when MINI-EMPY, along with OEDEPA's mp3 player got soaked in cider in circumstances which may or may not have been her own fault. She left them to dry, and they were stolen out of her bag.

Perhaps this tragedy was in fact a blessing in disguise because it caused her to buy EMPY, the grown up 40GB version of her original toy. Since she now has over 40GB of music she probably needed it.

Just before leaving London she purchased LAPPY, her incredibly inventively named laptop. It is mostly composed of sugar and spice and all things nice, but not bluetooth. It also seems a little reproachful of her abuse of the hard drive but will learn to cope. Yes it will.

MISS ANNE is loath to replace EMPY because she loves it so, however she wants to be able to fit all her music in one portable device (that's significantly smaller than LAPPY) and really can't be expected to keep her music collection under 40GB. There doesn't seem to be a good alternative though since iPods, Zunes and suchlike don't meet her requirements (this truly isn't just a display of brand loyalty, although she thinks that she may have caught a whiff of that disease too). Sadly iRiver doesn't seem interested in making large mp3 players, most of their recent ones have been around the 4-8GB mark, and their largest current one is a mere 33GB. MISS ANNE was feeling desolate.

However, after some hardcore googling she discovered an amazing thing: you can totally open up the iRiver, replace the hard drive with a 60GB one and, voila, create an iRiver H160! However the general consensus of the world and a latent sense of self-preservation suggest that she shouldn't be allowed to play with screwdrivers and such like. Ever. So she's buying the parts off of eBay, having them sent to PJ and bullying him into attempting this for her. Everyone better keep their fingers crossed for EMPYROR!

Alright, I am done talking about myself in the third person like a crazy person!

You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything

I feel that the people in my life can be divided roughly into two camps.

There's those who appreciate my sarcasm, cynicism and general distaste writ large. For some, it's because they share these characteristics and like to bitch and moan along with me, whereas for others its simply because I make them laugh. Naomi takes a simple delight in the fact that someone as grouchy as me can tolerate her presence.

Then there's the others, the ones who love the fact that I'm apparently incredibly fun and carefree. Betty especially is always telling me that she adores hanging out with me because I don't get stressed out like other people, I just enjoy myself. I can understand where she's coming from, but at the same time it seems pretty strange- given that I don't know all that many people who are as perpetually irritated as me. Maybe my grouchiness is just inherently lovable. (I feel as though Spires has said so at some point. Perhaps I'm making it up though.) It might also be that although I do tend to grump and groan I still manage to get on with life (and enjoying its various pleasures) rather than freaking out, or feeling that I'm entitled to something.

I have a very vivid memory of Betty, visibly drained, almost passed out on the grass of Hippy's
garden. She'd had a hellish couple of (sleepless) weeks and had only just returned to London. Hippy was trying to be helpful, but kept adding to the stress by rehashing the situation from every angle. She'd also offer to do something nice, such as get some wine or give Betty a massage, but then make things even worse by complicating things- fretting about accepting Betty's money towards the wine or fussing about which position she ought to be in for the massage to be most 'effective'. Meanwhile I lazed about on the grass and made cups of herbal tea. Betty thanked me profusely for this support later, and couldn't help feeling bitter towards Hippy.

I was also honestly shocked when Pygmy and her Tone found my ranting about Tiptoe's (thankfully now former) shag-buddy hilarious. He was a complete and utter knob, and I spent a great deal of time expanding on that point. They protested that they'd never seen me so hate-filled towards someone, and that completely blew me away. I spend a good deal of my time embroiled in lengthy diatribes about how almost everyone is a complete waste of oxygen, ranting foully really isn't uncharacteristic of me.

Anyway, I find it a little weird that people seem to see, and like, these two extremes in almost equal measures. Apparently I'm wonderfully bitter, and also fantastically not- instead childlike and happy-go-lucky. I'm sure that most people possess aspects of both these types of traits, but again I think that I'm more of an extreme case. I'm special. (And probably don't have a multiple personality disorder.)

Already I find that I'm appreciated here for these apparently mutually-exclusive personality traits. At Yeouido R and I were drawn to each other because we were both just as cynical as each other, whereas Y found me the funnest person in the world (and S, someone I could imagine whatever the Korean version of on otaku is absolutely adoring, kept asserting that I was incredibly cute). Similarly Jes and 2.0 find my sarcasm and constant exasperation hilarious (and Jes' friend Dunkin' actually described me as 'wry', I think that's a new one), yet people like V laud me for being so free and easy (this also leads to me getting excellent texts such as "ENJOY US LATER" from her- I love broken English).

There is of course a third group of people in my life, they don't quite fall into either of the groups described above. I call them my family. They're all very odd, but essentially wonderful. I got very excited when I discovered that my grandfather, Mannie Brown, is on a sign in South Africa (it seemed to fit rather well with the ancestor worship of Atlas Shrugged which I was still reading when I was sent this picture).


On the subject of family I think that this photo has possibly become my absolute favourite picture ever:


In keeping with the split-personality theme, after a fortnight filled with drunken debauchery (and rather a lot of yummy raw seafood incidentally, including live octopus tentacles yesterday) I stoically refused to go out tonight. I think that I tend to be counted in for whatever the plans are, which I don't mind obviously- it's just that I think in the back of my head I thought that this year might have undertones of 'sensible' and 'grown up' and possibly 'not-just-like-London'. I claimed that I wanted to stay in and read Kerouac just because it sounded so deliciously and awfully pretentious (and no-one called me on it!) but mostly I've been cracking monkey nuts, reading fic (actually about someone reading On The Road eerily) and watching Carnivale. It feels so amazingly decadent.

I think that for all that I'm a social person and a person who does love, and enjoy spending time with, her friends and family, I am at heart a fairly solitary person. I relish the opportunity to spend some time alone, and can't imagine finding it boring. Maybe that's because I don't get the opportunity to spend that much time alone, but I don't think it's just that. I feel that travelling and living by myself are special indulgences, the only time I get frustrated by it are when my life sadly has to intersect with the world around me- when I have to sort out annoying real life bureaucracy or technology I could really do with a Tiptoe or PJ perhaps!

I suppose it's because I'm so taken with myriad forms of distraction. I adore music (and being anal about organising my music collection is actually fun for me), watching really good television shows and films, reading (apparently comics as well now), writing and the smug feeling of having replied to all the emails in my inbox (even though its a never-ending quest of course). I can't imagine getting bored when left to my own devises, although it's entirely possible that I could develop cabin fever, or die of malnutrition.

Probably I'll go out into the big wide world tomorrow, and if J's feeling better go shoe shopping and hopefully see The Dark Knight. It's definitely nice to know a few people, such as her, who aren't complete alcoholics!

Journey to the Centre of the (Well Paying English Teaching Job) World, Part the Second

In between watching a whole bunch of stuff and thinking far too much about it I came up with a business venture: an airline that doesn't let children (let's say under the age of 10 or so) on board. Can you imagine how utterly awesome it would be to have a whatever-hour flight without all those screaming babies (who I'd happily drown, if I knew that their mothers wouldn't cry)? That would be utter bliss. I really wish someone could get on with organising that, they would definitely be my consistent airline of choice (until/unless I ever grow up and decide to make my own babies...but even then I think I'd probably dope them up for the journey, or leave them at home with a babysitter).

Other things my perfect airline and airport would ban:

*TV screens freezing.
*Rude check-in people (enforcing rules about baggage weight counts as rude, FYI).
*Spillages (my perfect airline would be able to fight gravity, natch).
*Complete freaks sitting next to you especially if it's a night flight with the lights out and you're a woman travelling alone and you're sitting on those weird seats near the back where there's only two seats together, and they keep on talking to you and encroaching on your personal space...and taking their socks and shirt off.
*Confusing signs when you're interchanging: I stood in line for the 'stand by' counter for a while because it was next to the counter I actually wanted, it was only when I realised that they didn't all say 'stand by counter' on them that I clued on. I was being totally blonde and totally wandering up the garden path, especially as this wasn't a proper interchange thing, they merely told me the gate number for the next flight, which I already knew and even if I hadn't known it I am just about capable of reading basic information from a screen. When it doesn't freeze.
*Stopovers in the middle of the night where you can barely get anywhere because of all the people sleeping on the floor. Lightweights.
*The most sensible flight being at the same time as the UEFA Euro final.
*Freaky old ladies with extremely impossible to fathom accents interrupting your reading to demand if you're going to Perth. Why? And if it was that important to her, why not harass someone sitting nearer to her, who wasn't engrossed?

Despite the fact that real life, Emirates and Dubai airport are not perfect I did eventually land at Incheon, rather worse the wear from lack of sleep. Insomnia is the new black. Neophilia is the new... disorder of our time?

Incheon airport seemed to extend for ever when I was trekking through it. I managed to come out the other end and to call the people who were supposed to be picking me up from the bus station, as well as to get my arse there on the very pleasant limo bus. I know this doesn't sound too complicated, but my phone refuses to work in this country, and I tend to have a bad record with getting picked up from bus stations and airports when in foreign countries. Also I'm often stupid. I really shouldn't have started rereading Everything is Illuminated on this trip, but I finished Scenes From Clerical Life very early on and since I'd had to give up my pile of books to read and Stardust was buried deep in my suitcase somewhere I had had to turn to other options. The book hadn't affected me too much on the planes, but on the bus I couldn't help getting a bit sniffly, it's just so sad! I hadn't really got emotional or weepy for myself at all, even though I'd thought that I would be sad and certainly overwhelmed. I think that maybe I, like the characters I was reading about, am sometimes 'once removed' from my emotions.

It's weird, in fact I'm weird, because I don't seem to act like or be a composite person. Most people don't act consistently unless they truly are caricatures but I seem to portray mutually exclusive characteristics more often than others, or perhaps I just have some form of schizophrenia. I'm so smart and so dumb, but more than that... I'm painfully shy, and yet gleefully confident. I'm ridiculously overly-emotional and weepy about anything, but at the same time I am hard and cold and cut off.

Despite this (and my bad bus/plane meeting karma) about an hour later I was met by a couple of guys from HQ, one of whom, M, I had been exchanging emails with for ages so it was nice to finally meet him. They drove me to the hotel that I was being put up in and joked about it because, I thought, of it's name: The Soho Hotel. In fact it turned out to be a bona (ha) fide love motel. When I finally realised that it did help to explain the giggling, porn and free condoms. I had a nice room, and ohgodyes a shower, although I was very irritated that there was no proper internet since I'd been led to believe that in Korea it was impossible to not be connected to the internet. I fully suspected I'd be able to download things on my hand. I was able to leach wireless from various sources, which eased the pain somewhat. Once I was clean I wandered off for dinner and drinks with M.

I collapsed into bed about 11ish, letting the complete lack of sleep and jetlag overtake me, assuming that I'd be out for the count. I even went so far as to arrange with M for him to knock on my door just before 10 so that I would get to my training, which was to begin the next morning, in a timely fashion.

A year is just a drop in time (it cannot touch the female form in my bed)

I haven't touched this blog for almost a year. That's pretty pathetic. Then again, there are plenty of things that I'd rather complain about than myself.

In the last 10 months or so I've had a few jobs (most of them without reasonable titles), I've had a few holidays and more than a few drunken adventures. I've also just about formulated A Plan. Mostly this plan involves me tomorrow (armed with a laptop, an overly stuffed suitcase, a plane ticket that I really need to remember to print out, every precious failure and amateur cartography) heading to Seoul to teach English for a year. I don't really know what I'm doing, and then only things I know how to say in Korean are "hello" and "how much?", the latter of which won't be very helpful since I won't understand the answer. Oh, and I'm capable of ordering a few dishes- my gastrobating skills won't desert me in my time of need (and neither will my ability to make bad puns apparently).

So I guess this 'plan' could just be chalked up to being a random whim. I like warm weather, Korean food and places that aren't here so I'm sure it'll all work out fine. Should it not at least I'll have something new to whinge about, which really makes me warm inside anyway. I don't think of myself as an incredibly impetuous person, except I do have instances when I'll just suddenly and randomly do something uncharacteristic and probably unadvisable. But then again I find these words fairly appropriate,

"This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath" (Regina Spektor - On The Radio)

I guess I just mean that you've never tried that experience/substance/lifestyle/hamster until suddenly you have, and with a little luck doing so doesn't exactly trigger the apocalypse.

What might in fact cause the end of the world is my attempt to pack a life (plus irritating things like plug adaptors and sheets which totally don't count) into a suitcase that isn't supposed to weigh more than 20kg. I'm going to miss my books and videos and posters a silly amount. I really feel like there should be some kind of get out clause if you can prove that you're going away rather than holidaying, I'm not suggesting that I should be allowed to overload the plane and send everyone to a firey death (although if that's an 'everyone' that doesn't include me, the pilot and whoever is in charge of handing out the coffee then it might not be an awful plan) but come on I so need an allowance of more than 20kg of stuff. I might just pack up several care packages of clothes and other important things (pasta? haribo? underwear?) to be sent on.

Anyway, I solemnly swear I'm up to no good to attempt to update more than a couple of times a year. Probably throwing myself into a foreign country where I know neither the language nor what in hell's name I'm doing should give me a fair bit to write about!