Makes no difference what group I'm in, I am everyday people

After perusing my entries I started to feel a bit bad for my Seoulites, most of them only get the lamest of pseudo-Zudonyms. I've decided to rename them all zanily. Since I'm doing so I thought that I might as well rehash who they all are so that you can attempt to keep up, and if I'm doing that I figured that I might as well provide a handy, helpful guide to some of the important people in my life (not just in Seoul). So:

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

MISS ANNE: Our Heroine Anti-Hero Protagonist Unreliable Narrator

PART ONE: WHEN I WAS A CHILD I SPOKE LIKE A CHILD...

FAMILIA

MUMBLE the creators PAPA

MUMBLE'S Siblings: sister THE LIBRARIAN who begot NANEL and SPAM

brother THE LAWYER who begot TISH, KITKAT and LULU and

brother THE FILMMAKER who begot TABLET

Their Mother: KILOGRAMMY

one of MUMBLE's cousin also produced the irreplaceable BOBBY BROWN

PAPA's Cousin: JOY who begot WOMBLE and SAXOPHONY

MISS ANNE placed an order for a blue-eyed sister, her wish was granted and at the tender age of 3 1/4 she received: SIB

FRIENDS FROM THE LAND BEFORE TIME

literally from birth: LONG-DISTANCE CLARA

from creche and The Road: TIPTOE and her brother (obviously SIB's intended) AVIT

from nursery school: LARISSA

from primary school: TWEEDLEDUM (but not really her twin TWEEDLEDEE)

PART TWO: HIGH (SCHOOL) TIMES

MISS ANNE, upon initiation into the strange world of secondary school, quickly become friends with:

THE AFKAM
HEAVY and, through her, her twin GREENBELT
PIMPETTE
PEANUT
and
DONNA

One day, at the age of fifteen or so, she came home and found LANKY, a family friend (and cousin of LONG DISTANCE CLARA) who she'd known forever but didn't actually know very well, sprawled in her living room. He, and his belongings, seem to have rarely left her house since.

Through school she later became friends with:

CHEROO
TITANIA
NIKNAK
and
BAT

She and TIPTOE (both model students and clearly paragons of virtue) became firm friends with OEDEPA, who was supposed to be the naughty one, by leading her astray into the world of teenage clubbing at the age of 16.

Her post-GCSE summer as a care- and exam-free sixteen year old was made memorable by her meeting of: PJ (AKA THE BOYFRIEND)

In sixth form she also became very close to:

CARNIE
and
RUFIO

At the end of sixth form (after falling into brambles) she 'met' RINGO who was impersonating his brother LANKY for reasons best known to himself. Ever since then they've spent far too much time talking nonsense at each other.

PJ and CARNIE's friend (and brother of PIMPETTE's then boyfriend) GATES also began his stint as a near-permanent fixture around then.

PART THREE: UNIVERSITY

At SOAS she first became friends with:

fellow anthropologists HIPPY and HONEY, fake-anthropologist CEE, CARO (through ZIM), PYRATE, SQUIRREL and MO.

She and JUNO certainly met in the first year (and their friendship was cemented by THORPE, who neither of them really speaks to anymore funnily enough) but they both can't remember exactly when they became very close. It was definitely before the summer when they were exchanging important emails about their adventures.

In the second year she became friends with NANZO and PYGYMY (since she couldn't escape them!) and started getting closer to LYCA. She also got used to the constant presence of PJ's friend JIMMY in addition to the already adored ZAZEN.

In the third year her and NAOMI became close, and she also became much closer to HIPPY's (best?) friend BETTY.

She also has a tendency to filch other people's friends: such as TIPTOE's gay BFF TIGER, TIPTOE's wonderful friend DJINN, GREENBELT's gay BFF RIZLA, MILLIAN who ought to be NAOMI's gay BFF, NANZO's friend WONDERLANDY and yummy mummy SONMI.

Since she spends far too much time with LANKY and RINGO she seems to have absorbed POKEMON, DYNAMO and HAMMER as well by some kind of osmosis.

SIB's girlfriend BENNY and some of the Brighton crew such as WATSON, VILLE and COAL also provided untold amusement in the months prior to emigrating.

PART FOUR: SEOUL

From her stint working at Yeouido she quickly become friends with fellow female native English speaker AMI (formerly J), fellow grumpy Brit ARYAN (formerly R), BAKER (formerly C) the object of both her and AMI's friendcrushes, her hilarious partner OCHRE (formerly A) and the incorrigible YO.

Some of the other teachers there included PATAGONIA, JIMJAM (who was going out with one of the Korean teachers, STARRY), the seemingly sweet but actually somewhat sinister CREAMCHEESE (formerly S), sort-of fellow Brit BANKS (formerly I) and the entirely rubbish REPLACEMENT-C.

She also rekindled a friendship with JUNO's ex-boyfriend JH who handily lives in Seoul.

Working at Jongno she got on well with BELJOXA (formerly CROSSEYES) who is currently substituting at Sinchon in the evenings.


SINCHON STAFF

The Overlord: HANS

The Manager: DYLAN (formerly D)

The Teachers:

She replaced LAW.

MINIEVIL (formerly JES) has now left both the Sinchon branch and the country but he should be returning to Seoul soon where he will continue to know everyone but never know where he is.

2.0 (Brit boy) has also now left, but he's unlikely to escape our clutches since he lives with his wifey DYLAN.

DICK has also left. No-one is upset by this.

MACK (formerly DAR) and SCOTLAND (formerly S) have remained, and been joined by the resident Kiwi FREEMASON. They will soon also be joined by the suspiciously old and over-educated COLT, as well as TANKY.

The Korean teachers are all girls: drinking buddy ELICA (formerly K), dancing buddy RUBY (formerly Y), sweet but worryingly dopey CLAIREBEAR, motherly BELLE (formerly IS), and canny GAMBLE (formerly SER).

There's also the mythical GENIE who everyone swears works mornings. MISS ANNE is still doubting the validity of these claims.

Other Staff:

SMARTIE (formerly RAF) is disturbingly intelligent. BALLEY (formerly V) is the most fun ever and WENDY (formerly LIN) worries far too much!

COMPUTER GUY has never been observed doing work, he very occasionally turns up and tries to steal a bed.

Whilst not technically a member of staff, BENDY the proprietor of the local bar Bumpin' looks after the alcoholic needs of the Sinchon employees very well.

MINIEVIL's friends SCOTTY and JOJO pop up a fair bit bringing amusement, idiocy and disturbingly youthful females. MIKEY, fellow Jewtrordinaire, sold her his phone for absolutely nothing and amused her greatly before he had to head to DC. Another of MINIEVIL friends, DUNKIN' (a former sniper), was also staying in Korea for a while, and developed a hilarious crush on CLAIREBEAR. MINIEVIL also introduced MISS ANNE to the fabulous ELSIE, who (in a strange twist of fate) has now buggered of to London.

RUBY has appalling taste in men, and has appropriated a rubbish American boyfriend from somewhere- BO. Thankfully she has somewhat better taste in friends, even if FREEBIRD is currently being irritating he is cool, as is his BFF ROO who comes complete with "not girlfriend" GINGER. Their friends OFFIE and EMMY are also awesome.

DRAMATIS ELECTRONICAE

MISS ANNE hasn't owned all that many amazing electronics- there's been a string of fairly mediocre computers and mobile phones. However in her first year of university she treated herself to MINI-EMPY, the 20GB iRiver H120. It was her pride and joy, and although many people are disparaging about these (relatively old now) mp3 players they really are brilliant and perfect for her: there's no iTunes-like software so she can just drag and drop things, it's possibly the most user-friendly device ever created, it's resilient, it plays just about every file format and works fine as an external hard drive (storing anything), records sound and plays the radio. She also thinks they're hella pretty. At least the good people of misticriver share her views.

She can acknowledge it's faults: it is somewhat bulky, although she doesn't think prohibitively so. It also comes with a handy remote, which means that the actual player can be secreted in a bag perhaps, and the remote left available to be fiddled with- which perhaps compensates somewhat. It also has a fairly slow start-up time, but mostly this is her own fault since she is ornery and dumps everything in the ROOT directory instead of using the standard folder system. The earphones that come with this model aren't stupendous either, but she doesn't expect freebie-earphones to necessarily be so. She prefers her awesome huge Sony ones anyway.

Sadly MINI-EMPY met a terrible fate. In the summer after her second year she was celebrating (in wonderful tutu fashion) the joint twentieth birthdays of CARNIE and LONG DISTANCE CLARA's gay BFF GREENY when MINI-EMPY, along with OEDEPA's mp3 player got soaked in cider in circumstances which may or may not have been her own fault. She left them to dry, and they were stolen out of her bag.

Perhaps this tragedy was in fact a blessing in disguise because it caused her to buy EMPY, the grown up 40GB version of her original toy. Since she now has over 40GB of music she probably needed it.

Just before leaving London she purchased LAPPY, her incredibly inventively named laptop. It is mostly composed of sugar and spice and all things nice, but not bluetooth. It also seems a little reproachful of her abuse of the hard drive but will learn to cope. Yes it will.

MISS ANNE is loath to replace EMPY because she loves it so, however she wants to be able to fit all her music in one portable device (that's significantly smaller than LAPPY) and really can't be expected to keep her music collection under 40GB. There doesn't seem to be a good alternative though since iPods, Zunes and suchlike don't meet her requirements (this truly isn't just a display of brand loyalty, although she thinks that she may have caught a whiff of that disease too). Sadly iRiver doesn't seem interested in making large mp3 players, most of their recent ones have been around the 4-8GB mark, and their largest current one is a mere 33GB. MISS ANNE was feeling desolate.

However, after some hardcore googling she discovered an amazing thing: you can totally open up the iRiver, replace the hard drive with a 60GB one and, voila, create an iRiver H160! However the general consensus of the world and a latent sense of self-preservation suggest that she shouldn't be allowed to play with screwdrivers and such like. Ever. So she's buying the parts off of eBay, having them sent to PJ and bullying him into attempting this for her. Everyone better keep their fingers crossed for EMPYROR!

Alright, I am done talking about myself in the third person like a crazy person!

The good, the bad and the pretty men

I am constantly amazed by the length of my posts. I start writing about a couple of books or a recently watched film and not only do the words seem to flow out of me, so do the tangents. However, I reckon that I should be able to be reasonably pithy about Joheunnom nabbeunnom isanghannom (or The Good, The Bad, The Weird), the first Korean film I've watched in Korea (and yes, I know I need to get around to watching Oldboy one of these days).

It's a pretty fun action movie, it doesn't have an over-abundance of plot but it's not completely stupid either. It's got all the elements of a typical Western (or rather 'cowboy') movie, at least as far as I know- I'm not exactly well versed in the genre, unless I can count Blazing Saddles somehow. The actual look of the film was great too, the desert scenes were magnificent but I especially loved the frantic scenes in the Ghost Market or on the train. I always love stuff like that, where there's so much attention lavishly paid to all these little details which the audience doesn't really get to take in properly, but the overall impact more than makes up for that. Train shoot outs are always brilliant too, whether here, in Firefly or even Due South. There were quite a lot of funny moments too, I couldn't stop giggling when Yoo Dae-Goo stuck his hand under the dead girl's dress for just a few moments too long, and then triumphantly pulled out the wad of money.

It was quite a violent movie (there were several moments when we found ourselves doing a synchronised hand over the mouth-gasp-wince routine), but I don't really have a problem with that. I can see why people don't like the idea that violence is funny in and of itself, but sometimes it really, really just is. Or maybe I'm a sadist, whatever. Byung-hun Lee was probably the best thing about the film, he isn't exactly bad looking in general but he was just ridiculously hot here, and went around being smouldering and insane in exactly the right way. I think you ought to watch the film just so you'll understand what I'm talking about, but failing that you could just watch the trailer which gives you a bit of an idea. The scene where he flounces around in a blanket and decimates a millipede (or whatever it is) is particularly brilliant. The way that Byung-hun Lee walked and moved did kind of remind me of Johnny Depp somehow, but every time he turned around I was much happier with the face I was presented with.

Woo-Sung Jung was also great, and easy on the eyes, he had a bit of Harrison Ford vibe going on- but that might have just been the hat. I really want a cowboy hat and a nice billowy coat. Actually I think I have both of those things just not here, and that's probably a good thing because it's too hot for layers (which doesn't stop me). I think the ending of the film could have perhaps come a little sooner, it was a bit too long. Essentially I only think that two endings are acceptable for anything: either an orgy happens or rocks fall and everyone dies. The Good, The Bad, The Weird almost plumped for the second one, which I think would have been mightily fun. The actually ending was decent though, and really I think that all men ought to smoke (not at me though, just in general).

R claimed that I'm 'isanghannom' (i.e. the weird one), which normally I wouldn't argue with. However his reasoning was that I'm obviously very bizarre because I'd rather see the new X-Files movie than Mamma Mia. I'm sure the new film is bad, but there's quite a lot of things I'd rather suffer than watching Mamma Mia. He balked at the idea of knocking me unconscious so he'd have someone to go watch it with though, not because it seemed morally reprehensible but because he'd have to shell out for my ticket too if I was passed out. I guess that leaves J to be 'the good'.

In other news I've had to buy yet another pair of shoes. Seoul is wearing out my soles. I gave up in disgust on Friday night and spent most of the time dancing in my tights, I should really throw them away since they're incredibly beer-scented (as well as blood-encrusted thanks to numerous new mosquito bites, I thought that had stopped). I meant to go to the book shop to go buy Catch-22 because when I last attempted to buy it I accidentally bought the sequel (which I wasn't aware existed). However we were too lazy to walk to the other side of the mall today. It isn't a particularly pressing issue at the moment though since I have a fair sized stack of books to get through at the moment, added to by my Grandma's new book Equality in Action: A Way Forward With Persona Dolls (in which I get an acknowledgement for my data analysis skills) and a few others which I've pilfered from Jes' stored possessions.

Apparently I should curb my thieving ways though, since quite a lot of the stuff doesn't even belong to Jes. Since I'm not the smartest cookie in the jar when someone knocked on the door a little while ago I just went and opened it without considering anything. I guess I assumed that it was probably one of my neighbours, perhaps asking me to turn the music down, or possibly D or S coming to check that I'd actually made my way home alright (in my defence I actually had no idea where my apartment is in relation to the subway, as well as no knowledge of my address). It turned out to be Scotty coming to pick up some of his belongings (it feels a bit like some awkward break-up drama), at which point I became aware of the fact that I was incredibly stinky, not very dressed and in possession of a pair of very bruised and bloody legs. Not to mention the fact that I haven't bothered to unpack anything yet, and there's just underwear, tampon packets and other girly accouterments strewn about the place. My packet of cereals is sitting next to the bed because I was too lazy to move it kitchenwards. At least I'm pretty sure that there was nothing vaguely pornographic on the screen.

I am going to spend the rest of my year being incredibly paranoid that I've properly bolted the door since about a billion people still seem to have spare keys for this apartment. I'm never sleeping naked again! However Jojo promised to bring my cheddar, so I guess it doesn't work out too badly. I really hope that I haven't switched shifts this week since I forgot to check when I was at work and can't access the site from home. If I have I'll just plead idiotic foreigner syndrome and make puppy dog eyes at Hans, D and the receptionists of joy.

You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything

I feel that the people in my life can be divided roughly into two camps.

There's those who appreciate my sarcasm, cynicism and general distaste writ large. For some, it's because they share these characteristics and like to bitch and moan along with me, whereas for others its simply because I make them laugh. Naomi takes a simple delight in the fact that someone as grouchy as me can tolerate her presence.

Then there's the others, the ones who love the fact that I'm apparently incredibly fun and carefree. Betty especially is always telling me that she adores hanging out with me because I don't get stressed out like other people, I just enjoy myself. I can understand where she's coming from, but at the same time it seems pretty strange- given that I don't know all that many people who are as perpetually irritated as me. Maybe my grouchiness is just inherently lovable. (I feel as though Spires has said so at some point. Perhaps I'm making it up though.) It might also be that although I do tend to grump and groan I still manage to get on with life (and enjoying its various pleasures) rather than freaking out, or feeling that I'm entitled to something.

I have a very vivid memory of Betty, visibly drained, almost passed out on the grass of Hippy's
garden. She'd had a hellish couple of (sleepless) weeks and had only just returned to London. Hippy was trying to be helpful, but kept adding to the stress by rehashing the situation from every angle. She'd also offer to do something nice, such as get some wine or give Betty a massage, but then make things even worse by complicating things- fretting about accepting Betty's money towards the wine or fussing about which position she ought to be in for the massage to be most 'effective'. Meanwhile I lazed about on the grass and made cups of herbal tea. Betty thanked me profusely for this support later, and couldn't help feeling bitter towards Hippy.

I was also honestly shocked when Pygmy and her Tone found my ranting about Tiptoe's (thankfully now former) shag-buddy hilarious. He was a complete and utter knob, and I spent a great deal of time expanding on that point. They protested that they'd never seen me so hate-filled towards someone, and that completely blew me away. I spend a good deal of my time embroiled in lengthy diatribes about how almost everyone is a complete waste of oxygen, ranting foully really isn't uncharacteristic of me.

Anyway, I find it a little weird that people seem to see, and like, these two extremes in almost equal measures. Apparently I'm wonderfully bitter, and also fantastically not- instead childlike and happy-go-lucky. I'm sure that most people possess aspects of both these types of traits, but again I think that I'm more of an extreme case. I'm special. (And probably don't have a multiple personality disorder.)

Already I find that I'm appreciated here for these apparently mutually-exclusive personality traits. At Yeouido R and I were drawn to each other because we were both just as cynical as each other, whereas Y found me the funnest person in the world (and S, someone I could imagine whatever the Korean version of on otaku is absolutely adoring, kept asserting that I was incredibly cute). Similarly Jes and 2.0 find my sarcasm and constant exasperation hilarious (and Jes' friend Dunkin' actually described me as 'wry', I think that's a new one), yet people like V laud me for being so free and easy (this also leads to me getting excellent texts such as "ENJOY US LATER" from her- I love broken English).

There is of course a third group of people in my life, they don't quite fall into either of the groups described above. I call them my family. They're all very odd, but essentially wonderful. I got very excited when I discovered that my grandfather, Mannie Brown, is on a sign in South Africa (it seemed to fit rather well with the ancestor worship of Atlas Shrugged which I was still reading when I was sent this picture).


On the subject of family I think that this photo has possibly become my absolute favourite picture ever:


In keeping with the split-personality theme, after a fortnight filled with drunken debauchery (and rather a lot of yummy raw seafood incidentally, including live octopus tentacles yesterday) I stoically refused to go out tonight. I think that I tend to be counted in for whatever the plans are, which I don't mind obviously- it's just that I think in the back of my head I thought that this year might have undertones of 'sensible' and 'grown up' and possibly 'not-just-like-London'. I claimed that I wanted to stay in and read Kerouac just because it sounded so deliciously and awfully pretentious (and no-one called me on it!) but mostly I've been cracking monkey nuts, reading fic (actually about someone reading On The Road eerily) and watching Carnivale. It feels so amazingly decadent.

I think that for all that I'm a social person and a person who does love, and enjoy spending time with, her friends and family, I am at heart a fairly solitary person. I relish the opportunity to spend some time alone, and can't imagine finding it boring. Maybe that's because I don't get the opportunity to spend that much time alone, but I don't think it's just that. I feel that travelling and living by myself are special indulgences, the only time I get frustrated by it are when my life sadly has to intersect with the world around me- when I have to sort out annoying real life bureaucracy or technology I could really do with a Tiptoe or PJ perhaps!

I suppose it's because I'm so taken with myriad forms of distraction. I adore music (and being anal about organising my music collection is actually fun for me), watching really good television shows and films, reading (apparently comics as well now), writing and the smug feeling of having replied to all the emails in my inbox (even though its a never-ending quest of course). I can't imagine getting bored when left to my own devises, although it's entirely possible that I could develop cabin fever, or die of malnutrition.

Probably I'll go out into the big wide world tomorrow, and if J's feeling better go shoe shopping and hopefully see The Dark Knight. It's definitely nice to know a few people, such as her, who aren't complete alcoholics!