It might be in cache/the topics include~

So I've been meaning to do this for a while.

I'm returning with a whimper rather than a bang- I don't have anything in particular to announce but a blog post from me has been way overdue for, well maybe let's not get into that.

The whimpering is totally appropriate anyway, given that I lost my voice for a while last week. Being ill sucks. Totally not sexy. Unless you're Det Dan Stark maybe. [Seriously are y'all watching The Good Guys? Cos you should be. It's fantasmic and fun, has Bradley Whitford and Colin Hanks in a weird Texan buddy cop sitch and there's classic cars. Come we all go to Dallas and live their lives out for real.]

I think I really do need to write to get my thoughts in some semblance of order. My brain rots when I don't siphon out some of its thoughts. (True story. I know all about medical research now so you have to believe me.) And I'm clearly one of those people who doesn't quite understand their thoughts until they're codified. Maybe confusion and ill-expressed ideas were acceptable a few weeks ago when there was all kinds of political turmoil, but we've got a firmly entrenched coalition government now, it's clearly time to re-learn how to express myself.

And obv a mission like that ought to involve some Dr Dre. We share a birthday y'know. Just saying: Express Yourself!

I guess what prompted this is that I've heard a lot of people defining themselves in terms of their actions, as in what they will and will not do. One night stands. Drugs. Take time off work. Accept help. Lie. Confess a crush. Watch football. Dance. Get married. Listen to hip hop. Take my advice. &c.

I don't feel that just looking at my behaviour would be a good way to get to know who I am- perhaps especially because inconsistency tends to be one of my more consistent characteristics. Seabass once described me in less than 10 words (all adjectives, natch) wonderfully. (I said he was ginger, Dutch and annoying. Yeah, I don't know why people put up with me either.) And I don't think I'm simply my preferences, beliefs and foibles- I'm more than a hatred of wet socks, a fervent conviction that technology really is out to get me and possession of a rude streak a mile wide- but I definitely think that those things tell you more about me than any arbitrary proclamations I might make about what I will and won't do. (Anything for love, but not that. Oh wow I totally just had this weird panic about Meat Loaf being dead. Apparently he isn't. So good.)

I don't think it's possible to live a life entirely without regrets. I've got this quote on my wall (along with quite a lot of other crap) which I love:

When you get older, you stop pretending to have things you haven't done, and start pretending not to have done things you have done.

Trying to find a middle group between not hurting other people and making sure to be selfish enough to not end up so filled to the tips with other people's secrets and drama that you have no space for your own can be damn hard work though.

You know what I need? Some distraction. Some adventure! I feel like I'm stagnating a bit. I'm too settled. Too content. And I know that that sounds like a dumb thing to complain about. But. It's a dangerous feeling. And I'm getting restless. I don't think that sojourns to Brighton, Manchester and Liverpool are really going to cut it. So I'm totally going to get on that.

It's not like there's not stuff going on. I've got my Naomi back. There's elephants and face painting and sometimes even sun!

But here's a list of 20 things I want to do in the next ~little while~ It won't be the end of the world if I don't, but it's good to have goals. If the World Cup teaches me nothing else at least it'll have taught me that. (And that I really don't like vuvuzelas.)

1. The Trans Siberian.

2. Visit NYC.

3. An American roadtrip.

4. Visit this lovely Shanny thing and my Tiptoe somewhere in Asia this summer.

5. Blog better. Or more at least.

6. Language lessons. My French ones are due to start on Bastille day. I'm not even lying.

7. Buy an SLR.

8. Edit my 2009 NaNo.

9. Go to a con. Let's get down with our bad geeky selves.

10. Write a script of some sort.

11. Have my own place again. And decorate it like a grown up.

12. Have a BBQ. As soon as the patio exists!

13. Play ratchet screwdriver in a park. (That way I'll know I've truly regressed.)

14. Eurotrip.

15. Bake.

16. Get a bike.

17. Live in another city.

18. Summer festivals.

19. Beng Mealea.

20. More South Africa.

(And, hey, here's an alternative 21: work out why I can't upload pics how I want. Should I be blaming Chrome or Blogger? Or Nick Clegg?)

I'm too old for this shi-

A lot of stuff has changed since I wrote that last entry. (It's dated August 29th, I guess cos that's when I first saved the draft, but was actually finished and posted months later. I don't mind particularly cos at least it makes it look like I update semi-regularly but I have a habit of writing a few lines at a time over long periods, so I think it's a bit of a weird that blogger publishes it with the date of when it was first saved.)

I've started a Graduate Traineeship in the library of a Medical Research Council as (potential) preparation for a Masters in Information Studies (or some such). I'm enjoying it so far and life always feel easier when you've got a tangible path to follow.

Said route doesn't provide a panacea- it hasn't magically alleviated all the Masters v work; working here v abroad; what work; what degree etc debates that were puzzling me before I left for Korea.

Maybe it should feel weird to be at those same crossroads, facing the same decisions as I was before I left, even if I've headed down one fork a little way.

But even before I found this job I wasn't feeling stressed or stagnant. In fact, if anything, I was uncharacteristically cheery. I don't think that the experience of travelling changed me massively or set me on a specific road. But I do think that it made me more quietly confident that life works out.

I think that that whole "stress is for other people" attitude might tie in rather nicely with Caro and I's resolution for 2010. We're giving ourselves until January 10th 2011 to complete a list of things we might be considered too old to do, inspired by the 'Murtaugh' episode of How I Met Your Mother in which Barney accepts a challenge to fulfill such a list after being kicked out of laser tag for being too rough with the kids by Bunny Colvin the manager.

We've lifted some of the obligations from the episode (and from other HIMYM eps), but have provided plenty of our own inspiration too!

1. Get a piercing.

2. Dye hair a non-natural colour.

3. Sleep on a futon/the floor.

4. Stay up all night.

5. Play laser tag.

6. Go to a squat party.

7. Drink shots with strangers.

8. Beer bong.

9. Hang a poster up without a frame.

10. Eat a whole pizza in one sitting.

11. Set up an annoying two person answerphone message.

12. Teepee something.

13. Help someone move out of a building (house/flat/office etc) in exchange for pizza and beer.

14. Travel by train across Europe.

15. Wear mesh or fishnet.

16. Have a Buffy and/or Supernatural marathon.

17. Watch Waking Life in a mentally altered state.

18. Live for an entire week on noodles, cheese on toast and tinned soup.

19. Drink cheap Russian beer.

20. Wear an animal print skirt out in public.

21. Urinate in public.

22. Jagerbombs.

23. Sing a cheesy 90s song at karaoke.

24. Eat at a cheap Chinese buffet.

25. Join a fan club.

26. Buy badges with stupid slogans on them and wear them.

27. Steal a street sign.

28. Tell the cow joke.

29. Do 100 shots of beer or cider in 100 minutes.

30. Eat a bowl of cereal with something other than milk.

31. Wear something from a skate/surf/ski store.

32. Shop at Miss Selfridge.

33. Buy a children's toy from a toy shop for self.

34. Watch cartoons all day.

35. Ride inside a shopping trolley.

36. Get a lollipop/sweet from a restaurant which gives them to kids.

37. Watch the whole Hollyoaks omnibus.

38. Forward a stupid chain email.

39. Eat a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting.

40. Drink alcopops all night.

41. Wear body glitter.

42. Send a serious email entirely in txt spk.

43. Do 5 shots in a row.

44. Party all night at a Walkabout.

45. Sing along to Can't Fight Fight This Feeling. In public.

46. Make out with someone at least five years younger than you.

47. Highfive.

48. Drink so much you throw up.

49. Leave an unnecessary voicemail that's longer than 5 minutes.

50. Go to a theme park.

51. Call someone in the middle of the night to randomly tell them you love them.

52. Dance on a table/pool table/bar/some other unsuitable surface.

53. Do a "have you met x" intro.

54. Make out with someone of the same gender (or opposite if that's not your usual taste).

55. Order a kids' meal.

56. Make a slap bet.

So if you want to play too copy and paste this into your own blog, cross them off as you go along and let's see how we do!