24 August 2008

Makes no difference what group I'm in, I am everyday people

After perusing my entries I started to feel a bit bad for my Seoulites, most of them only get the lamest of pseudo-Zudonyms. I've decided to rename them all zanily. Since I'm doing so I thought that I might as well rehash who they all are so that you can attempt to keep up, and if I'm doing that I figured that I might as well provide a handy, helpful guide to some of the important people in my life (not just in Seoul). So:


: Our Heroine Anti-Hero Protagonist Unreliable Narrator



MUMBLE the creators PAPA

MUMBLE'S Siblings: sister THE LIBRARIAN who begot NANEL and SPAM

brother THE LAWYER who begot TISH, KITKAT and LULU and

brother THE FILMMAKER who begot TABLET

Their Mother: KILOGRAMMY

one of MUMBLE's cousin also produced the irreplaceable BOBBY BROWN

's Cousin: JOY who begot WOMBLE and SAXOPHONY

placed an order for a blue-eyed sister, her wish was granted and at the tender age of 3 1/4 she received: SIB


literally from birth: LONG-DISTANCE CLARA

from creche and The Road: TIPTOE and her brother (obviously SIB's intended) AVIT

from nursery school: LARISSA

from primary school: TWEEDLEDUM (but not really her twin TWEEDLEDEE)


, upon initiation into the strange world of secondary school, quickly become friends with:

and, through her, her twin GREENBELT

One day, at the age of fifteen or so, she came home and found LANKY, a family friend (and cousin of LONG DISTANCE CLARA) who she'd known forever but didn't actually know very well, sprawled in her living room. He, and his belongings, seem to have rarely left her house since.

Through school she later became friends with:


She and TIPTOE (both model students and clearly paragons of virtue) became firm friends with OEDEPA, who was supposed to be the naughty one, by leading her astray into the world of teenage clubbing at the age of 16.

Her post-GCSE summer as a care- and exam-free sixteen year old was made memorable by her meeting of: PJ (AKA THE BOYFRIEND)

In sixth form she also became very close to:


At the end of sixth form (after falling into brambles) she 'met' RINGO who was impersonating his brother LANKY for reasons best known to himself. Ever since then they've spent far too much time talking nonsense at each other.

PJ and CARNIE's friend (and brother of PIMPETTE's then boyfriend) GATES also began his stint as a near-permanent fixture around then.


At SOAS she first became friends with:

fellow anthropologists HIPPY and HONEY, fake-anthropologist CEE, CARO (through ZIM), PYRATE, SQUIRREL and MO.

She and JUNO certainly met in the first year (and their friendship was cemented by THORPE, who neither of them really speaks to anymore funnily enough) but they both can't remember exactly when they became very close. It was definitely before the summer when they were exchanging important emails about their adventures.

In the second year she became friends with NANZO and PYGYMY (since she couldn't escape them!) and started getting closer to LYCA. She also got used to the constant presence of PJ's friend JIMMY in addition to the already adored ZAZEN.

In the third year her and NAOMI became close, and she also became much closer to HIPPY's (best?) friend BETTY.

She also has a tendency to filch other people's friends: such as TIPTOE's gay BFF TIGER, TIPTOE's wonderful friend DJINN, GREENBELT's gay BFF RIZLA, MILLIAN who ought to be NAOMI's gay BFF, NANZO's friend WONDERLANDY and yummy mummy SONMI.

Since she spends far too much time with LANKY and RINGO she seems to have absorbed POKEMON, DYNAMO and HAMMER as well by some kind of osmosis.

SIB's girlfriend BENNY and some of the Brighton crew such as WATSON, VILLE and COAL also provided untold amusement in the months prior to emigrating.


From her stint working at Yeouido she quickly become friends with fellow female native English speaker AMI (formerly J), fellow grumpy Brit ARYAN (formerly R), BAKER (formerly C) the object of both her and AMI's friendcrushes, her hilarious partner OCHRE (formerly A) and the incorrigible YO.

Some of the other teachers there included PATAGONIA, JIMJAM (who was going out with one of the Korean teachers, STARRY), the seemingly sweet but actually somewhat sinister CREAMCHEESE (formerly S), sort-of fellow Brit BANKS (formerly I) and the entirely rubbish REPLACEMENT-C.

She also rekindled a friendship with JUNO's ex-boyfriend JH who handily lives in Seoul.

Working at Jongno she got on well with BELJOXA (formerly CROSSEYES) who is currently substituting at Sinchon in the evenings.


The Overlord: HANS

The Manager: DYLAN (formerly D)

The Teachers:

She replaced LAW.

(formerly JES) has now left both the Sinchon branch and the country but he should be returning to Seoul soon where he will continue to know everyone but never know where he is.

(Brit boy) has also now left, but he's unlikely to escape our clutches since he lives with his wifey DYLAN.

has also left. No-one is upset by this.

MACK (formerly DAR) and SCOTLAND (formerly S) have remained, and been joined by the resident Kiwi FREEMASON. They will soon also be joined by the suspiciously old and over-educated COLT, as well as TANKY.

The Korean teachers are all girls: drinking buddy ELICA (formerly K), dancing buddy RUBY (formerly Y), sweet but worryingly dopey CLAIREBEAR, motherly BELLE (formerly IS), and canny GAMBLE (formerly SER).

There's also the mythical GENIE who everyone swears works mornings. MISS ANNE is still doubting the validity of these claims.

Other Staff:

SMARTIE (formerly RAF) is disturbingly intelligent. BALLEY (formerly V) is the most fun ever and WENDY (formerly LIN) worries far too much!

COMPUTER GUY has never been observed doing work, he very occasionally turns up and tries to steal a bed.

Whilst not technically a member of staff, BENDY the proprietor of the local bar Bumpin' looks after the alcoholic needs of the Sinchon employees very well.

's friends SCOTTY and JOJO pop up a fair bit bringing amusement, idiocy and disturbingly youthful females. MIKEY, fellow Jewtrordinaire, sold her his phone for absolutely nothing and amused her greatly before he had to head to DC. Another of MINIEVIL friends, DUNKIN' (a former sniper), was also staying in Korea for a while, and developed a hilarious crush on CLAIREBEAR. MINIEVIL also introduced MISS ANNE to the fabulous ELSIE, who (in a strange twist of fate) has now buggered of to London.

RUBY has appalling taste in men, and has appropriated a rubbish American boyfriend from somewhere- BO. Thankfully she has somewhat better taste in friends, even if FREEBIRD is currently being irritating he is cool, as is his BFF ROO who comes complete with "not girlfriend" GINGER. Their friends OFFIE and EMMY are also awesome.


MISS ANNE hasn't owned all that many amazing electronics- there's been a string of fairly mediocre computers and mobile phones. However in her first year of university she treated herself to MINI-EMPY, the 20GB iRiver H120. It was her pride and joy, and although many people are disparaging about these (relatively old now) mp3 players they really are brilliant and perfect for her: there's no iTunes-like software so she can just drag and drop things, it's possibly the most user-friendly device ever created, it's resilient, it plays just about every file format and works fine as an external hard drive (storing anything), records sound and plays the radio. She also thinks they're hella pretty. At least the good people of misticriver share her views.

She can acknowledge it's faults: it is somewhat bulky, although she doesn't think prohibitively so. It also comes with a handy remote, which means that the actual player can be secreted in a bag perhaps, and the remote left available to be fiddled with- which perhaps compensates somewhat. It also has a fairly slow start-up time, but mostly this is her own fault since she is ornery and dumps everything in the ROOT directory instead of using the standard folder system. The earphones that come with this model aren't stupendous either, but she doesn't expect freebie-earphones to necessarily be so. She prefers her awesome huge Sony ones anyway.

Sadly MINI-EMPY met a terrible fate. In the summer after her second year she was celebrating (in wonderful tutu fashion) the joint twentieth birthdays of CARNIE and LONG DISTANCE CLARA's gay BFF GREENY when MINI-EMPY, along with OEDEPA's mp3 player got soaked in cider in circumstances which may or may not have been her own fault. She left them to dry, and they were stolen out of her bag.

Perhaps this tragedy was in fact a blessing in disguise because it caused her to buy EMPY, the grown up 40GB version of her original toy. Since she now has over 40GB of music she probably needed it.

Just before leaving London she purchased LAPPY, her incredibly inventively named laptop. It is mostly composed of sugar and spice and all things nice, but not bluetooth. It also seems a little reproachful of her abuse of the hard drive but will learn to cope. Yes it will.

MISS ANNE is loath to replace EMPY because she loves it so, however she wants to be able to fit all her music in one portable device (that's significantly smaller than LAPPY) and really can't be expected to keep her music collection under 40GB. There doesn't seem to be a good alternative though since iPods, Zunes and suchlike don't meet her requirements (this truly isn't just a display of brand loyalty, although she thinks that she may have caught a whiff of that disease too). Sadly iRiver doesn't seem interested in making large mp3 players, most of their recent ones have been around the 4-8GB mark, and their largest current one is a mere 33GB. MISS ANNE was feeling desolate.

However, after some hardcore googling she discovered an amazing thing: you can totally open up the iRiver, replace the hard drive with a 60GB one and, voila, create an iRiver H160! However the general consensus of the world and a latent sense of self-preservation suggest that she shouldn't be allowed to play with screwdrivers and such like. Ever. So she's buying the parts off of eBay, having them sent to PJ and bullying him into attempting this for her. Everyone better keep their fingers crossed for EMPYROR!

Alright, I am done talking about myself in the third person like a crazy person!


Nanzo Trillusion said...

Ahaha, very diligent of you to list out all the people in your life and give them alternative names!

Ooh, so I'll eventually be able to mildly flood you with music? I agree that you shouldn't attempt to operate on your iRiver by yourself, though. Now I wish I had 60GB too. I'm now having to clear stuff from my 30GBs. -cries-

Miss Anne Throp'ist said...

I am extremely diligent, it's true. I thought it might be a useful reference point, plus making up names for people is pretty fun. (You will forever remain Shanshu in my head!)

Key word there is mildly I think! I have around 10GB of music sitting on Lappy glaring balefully at me...

Still it's not definitely going to work, as PJ keeps pointing out. Be keeping your digits crossed for me please! Perhaps the same can be done with iPods too?

Clearing stuff is a horrible challenge! You have my sympathies poppet.

Nanzo Trillusion said...

Yes, I chose to insert 'mildly' or risk feeling your wrath. :p

Whenever you use PJ, I think of PJ Harvey. Haha!

Naomi Penn said...

Thanks for this my dear, I'm sure it will prove useful in the future... even though I can't guess about half of them for the time being... it'll all become clear soon enough!

I'm most curious about who 'Thorpe' is... give me more clues!

Miss Anne Throp'ist said...

Nanzo: PJ (not Harvey in this case) was successful! I have a 60GB iRiver winging it's way to me!! Whee!

He had the same idea as you though, and has dumped a load of music on it already *narrows eyes*

Naomi: Feel free to ask for hints for any of the others too!

Thorpe you've met and dislike... Hmm perhaps a good clue would be: "Hi, I have a girlfriend. Would you like to go to the cash point with me? Now I love you." Got it yet? :P

Nanzo Trillusion said...

Yay, hooray for your successful soon to be acquisition of a 60GB mp3 player!!! You can just sneakily delete the stuff he's put in. Muahaha. :p

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