So I've been meaning to do this for a while.
I'm returning with a whimper rather than a bang- I don't have anything in particular to announce but a blog post from me has been way overdue for, well maybe let's not get into that.
The whimpering is totally appropriate anyway, given that I lost my voice for a while last week. Being ill sucks. Totally not sexy. Unless you're Det Dan Stark maybe. [Seriously are y'all watching The Good Guys? Cos you should be. It's fantasmic and fun, has Bradley Whitford and Colin Hanks in a weird Texan buddy cop sitch and there's classic cars. Come we all go to Dallas and live their lives out for real.]
I think I really do need to write to get my thoughts in some semblance of order. My brain rots when I don't siphon out some of its thoughts. (True story. I know all about medical research now so you have to believe me.) And I'm clearly one of those people who doesn't quite understand their thoughts until they're codified. Maybe confusion and ill-expressed ideas were acceptable a few weeks ago when there was all kinds of political turmoil, but we've got a firmly entrenched coalition government now, it's clearly time to re-learn how to express myself.
And obv a mission like that ought to involve some Dr Dre. We share a birthday y'know. Just saying: Express Yourself!
I guess what prompted this is that I've heard a lot of people defining themselves in terms of their actions, as in what they will and will not do. One night stands. Drugs. Take time off work. Accept help. Lie. Confess a crush. Watch football. Dance. Get married. Listen to hip hop. Take my advice. &c.
I don't feel that just looking at my behaviour would be a good way to get to know who I am- perhaps especially because inconsistency tends to be one of my more consistent characteristics. Seabass once described me in less than 10 words (all adjectives, natch) wonderfully. (I said he was ginger, Dutch and annoying. Yeah, I don't know why people put up with me either.) And I don't think I'm simply my preferences, beliefs and foibles- I'm more than a hatred of wet socks, a fervent conviction that technology really is out to get me and possession of a rude streak a mile wide- but I definitely think that those things tell you more about me than any arbitrary proclamations I might make about what I will and won't do. (Anything for love, but not that. Oh wow I totally just had this weird panic about Meat Loaf being dead. Apparently he isn't. So good.)
I don't think it's possible to live a life entirely without regrets. I've got this quote on my wall (along with quite a lot of other crap) which I love:
When you get older, you stop pretending to have things you haven't done, and start pretending not to have done things you have done.
Trying to find a middle group between not hurting other people and making sure to be selfish enough to not end up so filled to the tips with other people's secrets and drama that you have no space for your own can be damn hard work though.
You know what I need? Some distraction. Some adventure! I feel like I'm stagnating a bit. I'm too settled. Too content. And I know that that sounds like a dumb thing to complain about. But. It's a dangerous feeling. And I'm getting restless. I don't think that sojourns to Brighton, Manchester and Liverpool are really going to cut it. So I'm totally going to get on that.
It's not like there's not stuff going on. I've got my Naomi back. There's elephants and face painting and sometimes even sun!
But here's a list of 20 things I want to do in the next ~little while~ It won't be the end of the world if I don't, but it's good to have goals. If the World Cup teaches me nothing else at least it'll have taught me that. (And that I really don't like vuvuzelas.)
1. The Trans Siberian.
2. Visit NYC.
3. An American roadtrip.
4. Visit this lovely Shanny thing and my Tiptoe somewhere in Asia this summer.
5. Blog better. Or more at least.
6. Language lessons. My French ones are due to start on Bastille day. I'm not even lying.
7. Buy an SLR.
8. Edit my 2009 NaNo.
9. Go to a con. Let's get down with our bad geeky selves.
10. Write a script of some sort.
11. Have my own place again. And decorate it like a grown up.
12. Have a BBQ. As soon as the patio exists!
13. Play ratchet screwdriver in a park. (That way I'll know I've truly regressed.)
16. Get a bike.
17. Live in another city.
18. Summer festivals.
19. Beng Mealea.
20. More South Africa.
(And, hey, here's an alternative 21: work out why I can't upload pics how I want. Should I be blaming Chrome or Blogger? Or Nick Clegg?)