I feel that the people in my life can be divided roughly into two camps.
There's those who appreciate my sarcasm, cynicism and general distaste writ large. For some, it's because they share these characteristics and like to bitch and moan along with me, whereas for others its simply because I make them laugh. Naomi takes a simple delight in the fact that someone as grouchy as me can tolerate her presence.
Then there's the others, the ones who love the fact that I'm apparently incredibly fun and carefree. Betty especially is always telling me that she adores hanging out with me because I don't get stressed out like other people, I just enjoy myself. I can understand where she's coming from, but at the same time it seems pretty strange- given that I don't know all that many people who are as perpetually irritated as me. Maybe my grouchiness is just inherently lovable. (I feel as though Spires has said so at some point. Perhaps I'm making it up though.) It might also be that although I do tend to grump and groan I still manage to get on with life (and enjoying its various pleasures) rather than freaking out, or feeling that I'm entitled to something.
I have a very vivid memory of Betty, visibly drained, almost passed out on the grass of Hippy's
garden. She'd had a hellish couple of (sleepless) weeks and had only just returned to London. Hippy was trying to be helpful, but kept adding to the stress by rehashing the situation from every angle. She'd also offer to do something nice, such as get some wine or give Betty a massage, but then make things even worse by complicating things- fretting about accepting Betty's money towards the wine or fussing about which position she ought to be in for the massage to be most 'effective'. Meanwhile I lazed about on the grass and made cups of herbal tea. Betty thanked me profusely for this support later, and couldn't help feeling bitter towards Hippy.
I was also honestly shocked when Pygmy and her Tone found my ranting about Tiptoe's (thankfully now former) shag-buddy hilarious. He was a complete and utter knob, and I spent a great deal of time expanding on that point. They protested that they'd never seen me so hate-filled towards someone, and that completely blew me away. I spend a good deal of my time embroiled in lengthy diatribes about how almost everyone is a complete waste of oxygen, ranting foully really isn't uncharacteristic of me.
Anyway, I find it a little weird that people seem to see, and like, these two extremes in almost equal measures. Apparently I'm wonderfully bitter, and also fantastically not- instead childlike and happy-go-lucky. I'm sure that most people possess aspects of both these types of traits, but again I think that I'm more of an extreme case. I'm special. (And probably don't have a multiple personality disorder.)
Already I find that I'm appreciated here for these apparently mutually-exclusive personality traits. At Yeouido R and I were drawn to each other because we were both just as cynical as each other, whereas Y found me the funnest person in the world (and S, someone I could imagine whatever the Korean version of on otaku is absolutely adoring, kept asserting that I was incredibly cute). Similarly Jes and 2.0 find my sarcasm and constant exasperation hilarious (and Jes' friend Dunkin' actually described me as 'wry', I think that's a new one), yet people like V laud me for being so free and easy (this also leads to me getting excellent texts such as "ENJOY US LATER" from her- I love broken English).
There is of course a third group of people in my life, they don't quite fall into either of the groups described above. I call them my family. They're all very odd, but essentially wonderful. I got very excited when I discovered that my grandfather, Mannie Brown, is on a sign in South Africa (it seemed to fit rather well with the ancestor worship of Atlas Shrugged which I was still reading when I was sent this picture).
On the subject of family I think that this photo has possibly become my absolute favourite picture ever:
In keeping with the split-personality theme, after a fortnight filled with drunken debauchery (and rather a lot of yummy raw seafood incidentally, including live octopus tentacles yesterday) I stoically refused to go out tonight. I think that I tend to be counted in for whatever the plans are, which I don't mind obviously- it's just that I think in the back of my head I thought that this year might have undertones of 'sensible' and 'grown up' and possibly 'not-just-like-London'. I claimed that I wanted to stay in and read Kerouac just because it sounded so deliciously and awfully pretentious (and no-one called me on it!) but mostly I've been cracking monkey nuts, reading fic (actually about someone reading On The Road eerily) and watching Carnivale. It feels so amazingly decadent.
I think that for all that I'm a social person and a person who does love, and enjoy spending time with, her friends and family, I am at heart a fairly solitary person. I relish the opportunity to spend some time alone, and can't imagine finding it boring. Maybe that's because I don't get the opportunity to spend that much time alone, but I don't think it's just that. I feel that travelling and living by myself are special indulgences, the only time I get frustrated by it are when my life sadly has to intersect with the world around me- when I have to sort out annoying real life bureaucracy or technology I could really do with a Tiptoe or PJ perhaps!
I suppose it's because I'm so taken with myriad forms of distraction. I adore music (and being anal about organising my music collection is actually fun for me), watching really good television shows and films, reading (apparently comics as well now), writing and the smug feeling of having replied to all the emails in my inbox (even though its a never-ending quest of course). I can't imagine getting bored when left to my own devises, although it's entirely possible that I could develop cabin fever, or die of malnutrition.
Probably I'll go out into the big wide world tomorrow, and if J's feeling better go shoe shopping and hopefully see The Dark Knight. It's definitely nice to know a few people, such as her, who aren't complete alcoholics!
Confessions has moved...
8 years ago